So I said I wouldn't write again....and I won't....but that doesnt mean I cant slice & dice and make others words fit the way I see it.It's not exactly "happy" so if your not in the mood to enter my world, no one's forcing you to read it.
If this disturbs you then walk away
Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
There's always something different going wrong
The path I walk's in the wrong direction
There's always someone fucking hanging on
Can anybody help me make things better?
This battered room I've seen before
The broken bones they heal no more, no more
With my last breath I'm choking
Will this ever end I'm hoping
My world is over one more time
Would she hear me if I called her name?
Would she hold me if she knew my shame?
Your tears don't fall
They crash around me
But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!(Trust Me)
I'm not okayI'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okayI'm not okay(Okay)
he was always giving her attention
looking hard to find the thing's she mentioned
he's tryin to forget herif you've got nothin left
say I don't want to be in loveI don't want to be in love
Now I knowthat I cant make you stay
but where's your heratbut where's your heart
but where's youand I know
there's nothing I can say
to change that part
to change that partto change
I watched a change in you
It's like you never had wing's
I watched you change...
I look at the cross
and I look away
give you the gun
blow me away
If I dead we'd be together now
I can't always just forget her
but she could try
at the end of the world
if I fall
you are never coming home
never coming home
What's the worst that I can say?
Things are better if I say So long and goodnight
So long and goodnight
my love for you remains the same
the loneliness is setting in I have no one to free my sins
Well I'll take my time
As I drift and die
As I drift and die
As I drift and die
As I drift and die
Although I need you
I'm not gonna make this
You know I want you but I'm in too deep.
So listen
listen to me
oh you must believe me
I can feel your eyes go through me
but I don't know why
I know you're going but I can't believe
It's the way that you're leaving
The promise that he made
Lay broken on the floor
The bruise left round your heart
Left you begging for more
Thank you, for making me
Worthless, in your eyes
In hope and desperation
Please someone help me
When I cant breath when I cant breath
I'm dying here in front of you
When I cant live with you
Please someone help me
When I cant breath
when I cant breath
I'm dying here in front of you
When I cant live with you
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Dedication
you know who you are.
Rascall Flatts - My WIsh
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more then you take.
But more than anything, Yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
this is my wish
i hope you know somebody loves you
may all your dreams stay big
Rascall Flatts - My WIsh
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow,
and each road leads you where you want to go,
and if you're faced with a choice, and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you.
and if one door opens to another door closed,
I hope you keep on walkin' 'til you find the window,
if it's cold outside,
show the world the warmth of your smile,
but more than anything, more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but ya never forget,
all the ones who love you, in the place you left,
I hope you always forgive, and you never regret,
and you help somebody every chance you get,
Oh, you find God's grace, in every mistake,
and always give more then you take.
But more than anything, Yeah, and more than anything,
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
My wish, for you, is that this life becomes all that you want it to,
your dreams stay big, your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold,
and while you're out there getting where you're getting to,
I hope you know somebody loves you, and wants the same things too,
Yeah, this, is my wish.
this is my wish
i hope you know somebody loves you
may all your dreams stay big
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Doobies?
Ok, so my ranting and bitching is over, for now anyway, I'm sure there will be plenty more to come to entertain you all. I'd love to ramble on more and more, but the new & improved dosage of seroquel seems to be fucking me up quite well, so maybe I'll be able to sleep soon.
If not, I'll be sure to make a totally jacked the fuck up entry about everyttttttttttttttttttthiing being all whacked out.
If not, I'll be sure to make a totally jacked the fuck up entry about everyttttttttttttttttttthiing being all whacked out.
Monday, April 28, 2008
50/50
"I flirt with suicide
sometimes kill the pain
I can always say
'it's gonna be better tommorow'"
-Korn, Falling Away From Me
So the first half of that lovely lyric, is absolutely correct. Somehow just thinking about ending thing's is enough to numb you to everything, it's a nice little break from the everyday misery that is life, if only temporary. Though recently I've rediscovered a old friend who I had given up on, one that always made thing's better no matter how bad thing's seemed or were. Sadly this friend is a double sided one, he can help you alot...but also cuase lots of potential problems...but ya know what? I don't care anymore. If only for a few hours this friend can make thing's better I'm willing to deal with whatever problems he causes. So, without farther bullshit, I eagerly welcome alcohol back into my mainstream existance.
Maybe now I can finally convince myself that maybe, just maybe "it's gonna be better tommorow"
Course if that doesn't work, I guess I can always go swimming in the middle of a thunderstorm and for some odd reason for the need to carry a giant metal pole during this, hey, it's not suicide if nature does the deed, right?
wish I could say I was just kidding, but this is a place for no lies.
sometimes kill the pain
I can always say
'it's gonna be better tommorow'"
-Korn, Falling Away From Me
So the first half of that lovely lyric, is absolutely correct. Somehow just thinking about ending thing's is enough to numb you to everything, it's a nice little break from the everyday misery that is life, if only temporary. Though recently I've rediscovered a old friend who I had given up on, one that always made thing's better no matter how bad thing's seemed or were. Sadly this friend is a double sided one, he can help you alot...but also cuase lots of potential problems...but ya know what? I don't care anymore. If only for a few hours this friend can make thing's better I'm willing to deal with whatever problems he causes. So, without farther bullshit, I eagerly welcome alcohol back into my mainstream existance.
Maybe now I can finally convince myself that maybe, just maybe "it's gonna be better tommorow"
Course if that doesn't work, I guess I can always go swimming in the middle of a thunderstorm and for some odd reason for the need to carry a giant metal pole during this, hey, it's not suicide if nature does the deed, right?
wish I could say I was just kidding, but this is a place for no lies.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Brains.....Brains....
So it occurs to me, that, if, maybe....
ya know
a nice little lobotomy would do me nicely.
if the mind is no longer physically able to care about a bloody thing, surely the rest of the you will follow..
so where do I have to sign up? cuase im down for this one.
ya know
a nice little lobotomy would do me nicely.
if the mind is no longer physically able to care about a bloody thing, surely the rest of the you will follow..
so where do I have to sign up? cuase im down for this one.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Whatever
"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it."
- Andre Gide (1869 - 1951)
To all those who have ever claimed to "have found themselves" I call bullshit.
To find oneself, is to find god, or a gryphon, a dragon, a unicorn...it's all a dream, and it's all bullshit.
Fuck this, I don't even care enough to rant.
- Andre Gide (1869 - 1951)
To all those who have ever claimed to "have found themselves" I call bullshit.
To find oneself, is to find god, or a gryphon, a dragon, a unicorn...it's all a dream, and it's all bullshit.
Fuck this, I don't even care enough to rant.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Famous Last Words
Kinda says it all don't it?.....that said...I've let far too much emotion out recently....time to get a tighter lid on things. That bottle hasnt hit the point of exploding yet, so there's no reason to let shit out now.
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...
And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...
So many
Bright lights, they cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I say
I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
My Chemical Romance - Famous Last Words
Now I know
That I can't make you stay
But where's your heart?
But where's your heart?
But where's your...
And I know
There's nothing I can say
To change that part
To change that part
To change...
So many
Bright lights, they cast a shadow
But can I speak?
Well is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A life that's so demanding
I get so weak
A love that's so demanding
I can't speak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
Can you see
My eyes are shining bright
'Cause I'm out here
On the other side
Of a jet black hotel mirror
And I'm so weak
Is it hard understanding
I'm incomplete
A love that's so demanding
I get weak
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
These bright lights have always blinded me
These bright lights have always blinded me
I say
I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
(How can I see, I see you lying) 'Cause I see you lying next to me
(How can I see, I see you lying) With words I thought I'd never speak
(How can I see, I see you lying) Awake and unafraid
(How can I see, I see you lying) Asleep or dead
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
'Cause I see you lying next to me
With words I thought I'd never speak
Awake and unafraid
Asleep or dead
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
(Or dead)
I am not afraid to keep on living
I am not afraid to walk this world alone
(Or dead)
Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven
Nothing you can say can stop me going home
Hey look a rant.
So, at this particular moment in time. I hate everything. I cannot relax, I'm tense, anxious, and just generally ready to snap. I'd be quite content with a shotgun blast to the face right now, or to deliver one, either or works for me at this point. Maybe a little blood spilt will make me feel better. Soppose I could cut myself to see how much it bleeds....but somehow I don't think that'll do it. Also pounding the living shit out of your skull....doesnt seem to work today, prolly have a concussion or two but I don't feel any bloody better. Even music fails to smother this "mood" so I have no clue what else to do. Canceled counseling today, no sure I even want to keep going doesnt seem to help at all anymore but what else is new. Fuck it.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
God I Love ThIs Shit
So, figured I'd run the math while im totally blissfully fucked up and actually somewhat happy right now!
1625 mg acetaminophen
62.5 mg diphenhydramine HCI
25 mg phenylphrine HCI
That's what in me right now....
and I love every second of it
so we'll chalk this up to be an epic win.
Sleep calls
wanna join me?
1625 mg acetaminophen
62.5 mg diphenhydramine HCI
25 mg phenylphrine HCI
That's what in me right now....
and I love every second of it
so we'll chalk this up to be an epic win.
Sleep calls
wanna join me?
Friday, April 18, 2008
Wooohoooo
So I lucked out yesterday evening sometime, found a cache of benadryl....allergy & cold......oh yea, good shit, 5 of them and a hour later, everything's finnnnnne, hour after that blissfull slumber for like 12 hours.....awesomeness :-)
Thursday, April 17, 2008
So
I don't know what to do, I swore I'd never write again and I don't intend to back out of that...but today just suck. Havn't slept, dont wanna eat....really down today and I don't even want to try to pick myself up right now. Tried to reach out..thought maybe someone might be able to help....but just went unanswered..and that just hasn't helped thing's any....find myself keep saying that "i wanna go home"....but I am home...so what do I mean? I really want a smoke right now for some reason....something I really don't do...or a good strong dosing of excedrin...6 or 7 of them would be great right now...not enough to do any harm...but just enough to change thing's a little...for a change...there's actually a song that completely fits this mood...
Static-X - So
So I've betrayed self
So I've betrayed you
So what now?
So what do we do?
Pushing you away
Away from me
So I'm, I'm confused
So you're not amused
So I'm feeling used
So what do we do?
Pushing you away
Away from me
Empty inside
I'm dying, I'm crying
She makes me bad
Betrays my head
Empty inside
I'm dying, I'm crying
She makes me bad
Static-X - So
So I've betrayed self
So I've betrayed you
So what now?
So what do we do?
Pushing you away
Away from me
So I'm, I'm confused
So you're not amused
So I'm feeling used
So what do we do?
Pushing you away
Away from me
Empty inside
I'm dying, I'm crying
She makes me bad
Betrays my head
Empty inside
I'm dying, I'm crying
She makes me bad
Monday, April 14, 2008
Emo = Okay?
So, I've realized something interesting. If I take all my negative energy, and throw it into making my myspace page as emo and dark as humanily possible....I feel better. Not to say that I'm all "omg! the world is fantastic!" that simply, will never happen. But maybe everything will be alright after all.
Friday, April 11, 2008
It's Not Over
Ok, I lied, But I had to put this up.
Daughtry - It's Not Over
I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sence.
Your takin away everything
And I can't do without.
I try to see the good in life.
The good things in life are hard to find.
We're blowin away, blownin away
Can we make this something good?
Well I'll try to do to it right this time around
It's not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.
I've taken all I can take
And I cannot wait
We're wastin too much time
Bein strong, holdin on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily
Blowin away blowin away
Can make this something good?
Cause it's all misunderstood?
Well I'll try to do to it right this time around
It's not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.
You can't let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself
Let it out.
Let's start over
Well try to do to it right this time around
Its not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.
Lets start over
Its not over
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over
Daughtry - It's Not Over
I was blown away
What could I say
It all seemed to make sence.
Your takin away everything
And I can't do without.
I try to see the good in life.
The good things in life are hard to find.
We're blowin away, blownin away
Can we make this something good?
Well I'll try to do to it right this time around
It's not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.
I've taken all I can take
And I cannot wait
We're wastin too much time
Bein strong, holdin on
Can't let it bring us down
My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily
Blowin away blowin away
Can make this something good?
Cause it's all misunderstood?
Well I'll try to do to it right this time around
It's not over,
Try to do it right this time around
It's not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.
You can't let this get away
Let it out, let it out
Don't get caught up in yourself
Let it out.
Let's start over
Well try to do to it right this time around
Its not over
But a part of me is dead and in the ground.
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over.
Lets start over
Its not over
This love is killin me
But your the only one
It's not over
Thursday, April 10, 2008
...?
So something odd happened today, had a little talk with the one I've been obsessing over....and though nothing has changed...I somehow feel alot better. I don't really get why but it seems like it's not so bad now...so rather then sit here and making this into a long drawn out entry....I'm gonna go play a few games while I wait for the seroquel to knock me out (hopefully it will) then I'm going to sleep...so g'night
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
9:45
With...
9:45 p.m.
my sun rises
the world slows
as my heart overloads
10:45 p.m.
It's brighter now
then it ever was then
hope this goes on til the very end
11:45 p.m.
your fading now
cause it's been a long day
but talking with you makes the hours fly away
Without...
9:45 p.m.
still dark tonight
no sun to burn out the dark
maybe just needs a bit, so here I'll sit
10:45 p.m.
still dark tonight
starting to wonder if everything's alright
hopefully there wasn't a fight...
11:45 p.m.
my sun never rose
but farther away it does go
as my heart implodes
9:45 p.m.
my sun rises
the world slows
as my heart overloads
10:45 p.m.
It's brighter now
then it ever was then
hope this goes on til the very end
11:45 p.m.
your fading now
cause it's been a long day
but talking with you makes the hours fly away
Without...
9:45 p.m.
still dark tonight
no sun to burn out the dark
maybe just needs a bit, so here I'll sit
10:45 p.m.
still dark tonight
starting to wonder if everything's alright
hopefully there wasn't a fight...
11:45 p.m.
my sun never rose
but farther away it does go
as my heart implodes
We Don't Care Anymore
So....I'm struggling, really badly to find something to relate too right now...and there doesnt seem to be anything out there that covers this all...so this will have to suffice.
Story of the Year - We Don't Care Anymore
Underneath the gun in front of waiting eyes
Our time has just begun no second chance tonight
So we walk the longest days to live inside the shortest nights
We compromise our hearts to keep them satisfied
The shadows of our past, hard to ignore but judgment means nothing that's not what we're fighting for
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
Underneath the gun in front of doubting eyes
We walk this path as one take on the world tonight
And we'll carve our names into their bones
We'll never sell ourselves that's not what we're fighting for
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
I won't let this love, I won't let this love die, I won't let it die
There is only one thing that matters this time
At the hands of judgment I won't let it die, no sacrifice, regrets left behind, I won't let it die
This time, yeah, this time I won't let it die, that's not what we're fighting for
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
No we don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
I won't let this love, I won't let this love die
Story of the Year - We Don't Care Anymore
Underneath the gun in front of waiting eyes
Our time has just begun no second chance tonight
So we walk the longest days to live inside the shortest nights
We compromise our hearts to keep them satisfied
The shadows of our past, hard to ignore but judgment means nothing that's not what we're fighting for
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
Underneath the gun in front of doubting eyes
We walk this path as one take on the world tonight
And we'll carve our names into their bones
We'll never sell ourselves that's not what we're fighting for
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
I won't let this love, I won't let this love die, I won't let it die
There is only one thing that matters this time
At the hands of judgment I won't let it die, no sacrifice, regrets left behind, I won't let it die
This time, yeah, this time I won't let it die, that's not what we're fighting for
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
No we don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
We don't care anymore
I won't let this love, I won't let this love die
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Just Do It Already.
Another night without dreams, another night without nightmares, another night without sleep. This needs to change...and fast, it's bad enough dealing with my normal issues but this on top of that?....hell no. I fucking refuse to deal with this on top of the normal shit, fuck no. I don't care what it takes, I'm getting some sleep, and soon, no matter what the cost.
I just want to be able to fucking sleep....but it seems thats just too much to ask. My eyes feel like they have sand in them, I cant move without wanting to cut my arms and legs off, someone just needs to fucking kill me already.
I just want to be able to fucking sleep....but it seems thats just too much to ask. My eyes feel like they have sand in them, I cant move without wanting to cut my arms and legs off, someone just needs to fucking kill me already.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Dan's Dead.
As of sometime this early am morning, I ended his existance. He was to whiny, to weak...too attached. It needed to be done. All that remains now is another savage scar scorched into the heart of this darkened soul. Good ridance.
Until The Day I Die (Sorta)
Ok, the bloody lyrics clips mess it up and throw it off beat if your not listening and following it well. But here's a little dabble with my own version...not complete or anything, just what got stuck in my head when listening to the song.
can you scream it out
till blood coats your throat
have you ripped it raw
with all the pain you recall
can you feel it now
the blood running down your throat
if you cant taste it now
there's still more to free
right now
so do you feel it now
the heart ache in that blood
can you see it now
the emotions that flood
so do you hear it now
do you understand this good
can you scream it out
till blood coats your throat
have you ripped it raw
with all the pain you recall
can you feel it now
the blood running down your throat
if you cant taste it now
there's still more to free
right now
so do you feel it now
the heart ache in that blood
can you see it now
the emotions that flood
so do you hear it now
do you understand this good
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Destroy Everything
So, with the exception that I still can't sleep well. I am slaiyen. I don't give a fuck anymore. Whatever happens, happens, and I frankly couldn't care less one way or the other. And the plus side? I'm back to being completely sadistic, twisted, and downright fucking hostile. Let the blood spill.
On that note, I'll leave ya with this little tune. Put to a killer cut scene collection too boot, damn skippy.
Hatebreed - Destroy Everything
A new life begins!
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.
Cleanse this world with flame
End this, cleanse this
Rebuild and start again
Obliterate what makes us weak
End this and embrace the destruction
End this to embrace new life (new life!)
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.
Cleanse this world with flame
End this, cleanse this
Rebuild and start again
Obliterate what makes us weak
End this and embrace the destruction
End this to embrace new life (new life!)
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
A new life begins!
Destroy Everything! (x2)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.
Destroy Everything! (x3)
So a new life can begin,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Rebuild this start again,
AGAIN!
On that note, I'll leave ya with this little tune. Put to a killer cut scene collection too boot, damn skippy.
Hatebreed - Destroy Everything
A new life begins!
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.
Cleanse this world with flame
End this, cleanse this
Rebuild and start again
Obliterate what makes us weak
End this and embrace the destruction
End this to embrace new life (new life!)
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.
Cleanse this world with flame
End this, cleanse this
Rebuild and start again
Obliterate what makes us weak
End this and embrace the destruction
End this to embrace new life (new life!)
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
Even a nothing threat, deserves a response you won't soon forget,
I must destroy everything that tries to infect.
A new life begins!
Destroy Everything! (x2)
Obliterate what makes us weak,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Decimate what threatens me.
Destroy Everything! (x3)
So a new life can begin,
Destroy Everything! (x3)
Rebuild this start again,
AGAIN!
Silence
Ok, so the video isn't what I wanted but it's all the bloody noobs on youtube had. That said, if you've been paying attention I may have developed a recent obsession with Dry Cell lately. I'd gladly end lives to hear some more stuff from them but sadly they no longer exist...ghey.
Ah well, here ya go.
Dry Cell - Silence
I believe that I'm hanging by a string
And I'm feeling so small in a world full of big things
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Understand that the way that I am
Is a product of the scam that you pulled on the last man
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Surprise my eyes were open
Don't suffocate what's broken
Are you ever done?
Are you ever free?
Silence makes me numb without you
You believe that you're changing everything
And you're feeling so tall that you can't even see me
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Understand that the way that I am
Is a product of the way that you underplay my hand
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Surprise my eyes were open
Don't suffocate what's broken
Are you ever done?
Are you ever free?
Silence makes me numb without you
How can this go on?
Take it all from me
Silence makes me numb without you
Never meant to cause you pain
Fighting, aggravation
Causing suffocation
I won't let you
Surprise my eyes were open
Don't suffocate what's broken
Are you ever done?
Are you ever free?
Silence makes me numb without you
How can this go on?
Take it all from me
Silence makes me numb without you
Ah well, here ya go.
Dry Cell - Silence
I believe that I'm hanging by a string
And I'm feeling so small in a world full of big things
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Understand that the way that I am
Is a product of the scam that you pulled on the last man
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Surprise my eyes were open
Don't suffocate what's broken
Are you ever done?
Are you ever free?
Silence makes me numb without you
You believe that you're changing everything
And you're feeling so tall that you can't even see me
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Understand that the way that I am
Is a product of the way that you underplay my hand
Undone and I'm ready to explode on the things I don't know
And I just want to let go
Surprise my eyes were open
Don't suffocate what's broken
Are you ever done?
Are you ever free?
Silence makes me numb without you
How can this go on?
Take it all from me
Silence makes me numb without you
Never meant to cause you pain
Fighting, aggravation
Causing suffocation
I won't let you
Surprise my eyes were open
Don't suffocate what's broken
Are you ever done?
Are you ever free?
Silence makes me numb without you
How can this go on?
Take it all from me
Silence makes me numb without you
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Body Crumbles
It's funny how true this is. You burn yourself to ashes, to rise from the fall to sit there defeated. Ah well, least the pain means your still alive. A little.
Dry Cell - Body Crumbles
Finally recover and the mood is right
looking up into a neon sky
child in me takes over, guess it's been too long
since the last time that I tried to fly
Finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body crumbles
All I need's a moment, just to get away
from the stressfulness of every day
Know if I don't question and I never doubt
everything is gonna be okay
finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body crumbles
I don't know if I'll be alright
I don't know if I'll be alright
(Is it okay to be myself)
I don't know if I'll be alright
I don't know if I'll be alright
(why do we always have to fight)
I don't know if I'll be alright
now i know it's alright
finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body
finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body crumbles
Dry Cell - Body Crumbles
Finally recover and the mood is right
looking up into a neon sky
child in me takes over, guess it's been too long
since the last time that I tried to fly
Finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body crumbles
All I need's a moment, just to get away
from the stressfulness of every day
Know if I don't question and I never doubt
everything is gonna be okay
finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body crumbles
I don't know if I'll be alright
I don't know if I'll be alright
(Is it okay to be myself)
I don't know if I'll be alright
I don't know if I'll be alright
(why do we always have to fight)
I don't know if I'll be alright
now i know it's alright
finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body
finally I find when I lose control
inside my body crumbles
it's like therapy for my broken soul
inside my body crumbles
I drink my drink and I don't even want too
You know there is something truly wrong, when you don't even want to drink. Oh well, fuck it.
At least whatevet this new depressive trend is, it's nowhere near as potent as the previous blend. Possibily becuase I now accept that I will quite probably always be alone. Fuck it, I don't need no one anyway, made it this far through this shitty place pretty damn alone, might as well push through the same way.
At least whatevet this new depressive trend is, it's nowhere near as potent as the previous blend. Possibily becuase I now accept that I will quite probably always be alone. Fuck it, I don't need no one anyway, made it this far through this shitty place pretty damn alone, might as well push through the same way.
Two for One?
So once again I do not sleep, and I don't even care now. In the past four days I think I've gotten an amazing 3 hours of sleep. I cannot get comfortable, I cannot rest my mind. I'm always to cold, so i get another blanket, and then I'm to hot. I try turning everything off, and it's to quiet, I turn the TV on low...and it's to loud or too bright, I turn the fan on and then again it's to cold. The Seroquel fails to knock me out, thought it does a nice job of fucking me up. I try reading, thinking maybe if I read till my eyes bleed it'll exhuast my mind to the point of blacking out. No good. I hate being me.
On another note, my adventure to control myself has been somehow a sucess, and yet an epic failure. I almost feel in control...untill I hear from her, then I struggle so badly to retain some small amount of control. I guess self-control is a bit hard when you're dying inside.
I feel like such a child. I can't have thing's my way and I'm very tempted to through a bloody fit about it. But that would only make thing's worse, and honestly wouldn't help me get any closer...but then again I'll never get any closer, so I guess that's a mute point anyway.
So, I've become absolutely addicted to that band I posted the other day, Dry Cell. Such a shame they broke up years ago as they had all the makings of a epic success.
I find my mind searching for a distraction, and in this lays extreme danger. Not for me of course, but for whichever poor unlucky bastard that happens to become the focal point of my distraction. I have destroyed before, and perhaps that is why I am being punished so, but at this rate I'm willing to risk it.
The games you can play with someone's mind and soul....everyone has a weakness...and everyone can be played. Maybe I should focus on myself...if I destroy whats left of me, how can anyone ever hurt me again?
No....there's no fun in that, and if I am to drive forward somehow, I need something fun to hold on to. No, the focal point will have to be someone else...someone that'll never see it coming, someone I don't give a fuck about. The best thing is when you play with someone in this way, if they kill themselves becuase of it there's not much the law can do. And what can be done, can be countered by making it impossible to trace back to you. Easily done.
Perhaps I just need some sleep, so I'll hold off on looking around for possible targets for now. I wonder what would happen if I took two seroquel instead of just one.
On another note, my adventure to control myself has been somehow a sucess, and yet an epic failure. I almost feel in control...untill I hear from her, then I struggle so badly to retain some small amount of control. I guess self-control is a bit hard when you're dying inside.
I feel like such a child. I can't have thing's my way and I'm very tempted to through a bloody fit about it. But that would only make thing's worse, and honestly wouldn't help me get any closer...but then again I'll never get any closer, so I guess that's a mute point anyway.
So, I've become absolutely addicted to that band I posted the other day, Dry Cell. Such a shame they broke up years ago as they had all the makings of a epic success.
I find my mind searching for a distraction, and in this lays extreme danger. Not for me of course, but for whichever poor unlucky bastard that happens to become the focal point of my distraction. I have destroyed before, and perhaps that is why I am being punished so, but at this rate I'm willing to risk it.
The games you can play with someone's mind and soul....everyone has a weakness...and everyone can be played. Maybe I should focus on myself...if I destroy whats left of me, how can anyone ever hurt me again?
No....there's no fun in that, and if I am to drive forward somehow, I need something fun to hold on to. No, the focal point will have to be someone else...someone that'll never see it coming, someone I don't give a fuck about. The best thing is when you play with someone in this way, if they kill themselves becuase of it there's not much the law can do. And what can be done, can be countered by making it impossible to trace back to you. Easily done.
Perhaps I just need some sleep, so I'll hold off on looking around for possible targets for now. I wonder what would happen if I took two seroquel instead of just one.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Mistake
...I just caught myself trying to write, it's deleted now. Can't write it, no more. Writing it brings it out of the bottle, and that's not allowed. I'm gonna have to find a way to punish myself for these little slip's...otherwise I'll start again, that just defeats the purpose of this little hell I'm putting myself through.
Last Time
So, in my lost and shattered, utterly mind numbing delirious state after now being up 37 hours straight....I combed music, looking for what I did not know...and in the path that lay before me, I discovered this gem...enjoy
Dry Cell - Last Time
They say its true
Somethings not right
They laugh at you
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
Destined to lose
Its not right
What can you do
(all you do is fight and you lose your insides)
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real, its so right
This is the last time
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
Who made this true
Its not right youll make it thru
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
They dont know you, not inside
They have issues
(fighting all time make them lose their insides)
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time
So far
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
So sleep as you lay
(forget about the world youll be ok)
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why....dont know why)
They say its true
Somethings not right
They laugh at you
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
Dry Cell - Last Time
They say its true
Somethings not right
They laugh at you
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
Destined to lose
Its not right
What can you do
(all you do is fight and you lose your insides)
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real, its so right
This is the last time
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
Who made this true
Its not right youll make it thru
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
They dont know you, not inside
They have issues
(fighting all time make them lose their insides)
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time
So far
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
So sleep as you lay
(forget about the world youll be ok)
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
Its alright
Its ok
Never far away
Its so real its so right
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time
This is the last time
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why....dont know why)
They say its true
Somethings not right
They laugh at you
(hurting all the time and you just dont know why)
idk
So it's been a little over 35 hours now....no sleep...cheated and ate a tiny bit thought it was scarcely enough to do little more then tease.
Ah well.
So apparrantly my mind is going into isolation/distraction mode.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say...
just grapsing at straws and hoping one turns out to be a rope...or something strong to hold onto....I want to sleep....but I can't....to much on my mind...to much unresolved....to much not yet fixed
....I'm hearing voices and I swear im starting to see things
Ah well.
So apparrantly my mind is going into isolation/distraction mode.
I don't even know what I'm trying to say...
just grapsing at straws and hoping one turns out to be a rope...or something strong to hold onto....I want to sleep....but I can't....to much on my mind...to much unresolved....to much not yet fixed
....I'm hearing voices and I swear im starting to see things
Thursday, April 3, 2008
No More Tears
I am alone. Again. This time it shall stay that way, as I choose not to waste anymore time on such fragile relationships. I am tired. I am drained. And my bleeding heart is splashing blood over me. This wound will heal in time, but no one will be allowed close enough to tear it open again. I have decideded myspace and msn are no longer relevent, and will be removing them over the next few days.
I will not let this control me, but neither will I pretend it doesn't hurt. I only hope I can let go enough...and settle for being nothing more then a friend. Though it kills me to think it. I believe my writing days are over now, my only positive inspiration is no longer a suitable muse and I suspect no one wants to see anymore of the stuff I truly excell at. I don't know how to write anything else, nor do I feel like trying to learn.
I almost think I should go through my hard drive and remove everything that reminds me of the possibility of ever having been, or ever being more then a friend. For that matter I'm not even sure I'm capable of being just a friend anymore, to be honest I feel like I've been dumped which is silly really considering everything. I will try anyway, perhaps I shall surprise myself.
Another effect of this fallout, I have to shut down certain key parts of me from this person. Unfortunately the "friend pass" has seriously crippled access to the inner workings that is me. I now have no one to tell everything too, and I fear this may be a serious issue in the future as I already tend to bottle things up.
This person once told me, whatever happens happens for a reason. Perhaps there is one here, though I do not see it. If this is true, then if I am to be a bomb, and if I am to explode, then whatever damage I cuase in the process was going to happen no matter what. And if something happens to prevent this, then maybe there is hope.
I am changing even now though, I can feel it. The hurt that tries so voilently to reach the surface is being dragged so far deep down. I'm sure at some point it will manifest itself a a tumor or something of the like. But I will not let it take over again, never again. If I must poison myself to mainten this control, then that is what must be done.
I looked at her picture today, looked deep into those eyes and to be honest I fell apart, I cried. Those will be the last tears I ever shed.
I will not let this control me, but neither will I pretend it doesn't hurt. I only hope I can let go enough...and settle for being nothing more then a friend. Though it kills me to think it. I believe my writing days are over now, my only positive inspiration is no longer a suitable muse and I suspect no one wants to see anymore of the stuff I truly excell at. I don't know how to write anything else, nor do I feel like trying to learn.
I almost think I should go through my hard drive and remove everything that reminds me of the possibility of ever having been, or ever being more then a friend. For that matter I'm not even sure I'm capable of being just a friend anymore, to be honest I feel like I've been dumped which is silly really considering everything. I will try anyway, perhaps I shall surprise myself.
Another effect of this fallout, I have to shut down certain key parts of me from this person. Unfortunately the "friend pass" has seriously crippled access to the inner workings that is me. I now have no one to tell everything too, and I fear this may be a serious issue in the future as I already tend to bottle things up.
This person once told me, whatever happens happens for a reason. Perhaps there is one here, though I do not see it. If this is true, then if I am to be a bomb, and if I am to explode, then whatever damage I cuase in the process was going to happen no matter what. And if something happens to prevent this, then maybe there is hope.
I am changing even now though, I can feel it. The hurt that tries so voilently to reach the surface is being dragged so far deep down. I'm sure at some point it will manifest itself a a tumor or something of the like. But I will not let it take over again, never again. If I must poison myself to mainten this control, then that is what must be done.
I looked at her picture today, looked deep into those eyes and to be honest I fell apart, I cried. Those will be the last tears I ever shed.
Here I Go...
It's been another four hours...and I'm tired...and hungry...and far to bored....so it's time to begin.
Not sure what else to put here....so I'll just leave nothing.
Not sure what else to put here....so I'll just leave nothing.
12 Hours In
Twelve hours ago, I started a process. I will not sleep, nor eat until this is over. I will be fixed when this is done, or I will have totally lost my mind. However, I'm feeling hopeful, this is progressing rather well...but now I guess I should explain.
Here goes.
The only way I can figure to deal with my issues, is the way most people deal with them, to face them. For reasons beyond my understanding, I cannot face them under normal conditions.
So...I will force myself to face them. Through starvation and sleep depravation, I will face them, these conditions trigger certain survival genes in the body...they allow the mind to think in new ways, to function in a different manner.
In another 8 hours, I will begin the next step..I will unleash all the pain bottled up inside...so let me apoligize now for anything I may say or do that offends anyone during the next few days, but I must become Slaiyen.
I will be free, or I will be lost.
I won't stutter on the edge no longer.
Here goes.
The only way I can figure to deal with my issues, is the way most people deal with them, to face them. For reasons beyond my understanding, I cannot face them under normal conditions.
So...I will force myself to face them. Through starvation and sleep depravation, I will face them, these conditions trigger certain survival genes in the body...they allow the mind to think in new ways, to function in a different manner.
In another 8 hours, I will begin the next step..I will unleash all the pain bottled up inside...so let me apoligize now for anything I may say or do that offends anyone during the next few days, but I must become Slaiyen.
I will be free, or I will be lost.
I won't stutter on the edge no longer.
The Water Dog
Under the chinese zodiac, these dates; 25 Jan 1982 to 12 Feb 1983, fall under the Year of the Water Dog. Accordingly, these are the generalizations that are commonly found in people born during this period; laid-back, instinctive, motivated by self-indulgence and philosophical.
Personalitiy traits for these people are generally this;
"People born under the year of the Dog tend to be very well liked as it is one of the most popular of all of the animals. Dog people are: truthful, clever, with a strong sense of fairness and devotion. They never shirk their duties, they always do their fair share of things and will always "listen to reason". They would never ignore a distress call, often putting the well-being of others before their own and they never abandon people. Other traits include: open-mindedness, never envious, non money-minded and very adept at seeing straight through others. However should you try to snoop into their affairs they can become secretive and also give a cold shoulder to those who they don't really like. They are also: intrepid, practical and "have great insight into human nature". They can be belligerent, gloomy, be anxious for no apparent reason and they absolutely detest pretence. Inevitabilities are never put on hold, neither is giving a clear-cut answer to something. Above all they are never sly, underhand or crafty."
- As taken from http://www.paranormality.com
And for the most part, this fits part of me very well.
But not all of me.
Slaiyen is something different, something dark and venomious, waiting to strike, evil....but strong, implacable...he can handle thing's I can not. I have been thinking alot since my last post, and I do not believe I was entirely correct.
I need to be Slaiyen if I am to survive, this is uncontested. As Dan, is far to fragile and unstable to. I now realize, if I am to kill Dan, and I fully become Slaiyen, nothing can ever hurt me, nothing can ever drag me down, nothing will ever be able to push me back into that hole...but Slaiyen isn't a creature capable of love, happiness, or any of the better thing's life can rarely offer.
I've always felt there were two being's dwelling inside this shell....well now maybe it's time to blend them into one. By the zodiac I am already the water dog, but now that water dog has a name.
I am Slaiyen, the Water Dog.
And I will find a way to live, and laugh and love, and I will destroy you if you cross me.
I will be the twinkle in your eye, or the knife in your back.
I am Slaiyen the Water Dog.
Do not cross me, or I shall cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war.
Personalitiy traits for these people are generally this;
"People born under the year of the Dog tend to be very well liked as it is one of the most popular of all of the animals. Dog people are: truthful, clever, with a strong sense of fairness and devotion. They never shirk their duties, they always do their fair share of things and will always "listen to reason". They would never ignore a distress call, often putting the well-being of others before their own and they never abandon people. Other traits include: open-mindedness, never envious, non money-minded and very adept at seeing straight through others. However should you try to snoop into their affairs they can become secretive and also give a cold shoulder to those who they don't really like. They are also: intrepid, practical and "have great insight into human nature". They can be belligerent, gloomy, be anxious for no apparent reason and they absolutely detest pretence. Inevitabilities are never put on hold, neither is giving a clear-cut answer to something. Above all they are never sly, underhand or crafty."
- As taken from http://www.paranormality.com
And for the most part, this fits part of me very well.
But not all of me.
Slaiyen is something different, something dark and venomious, waiting to strike, evil....but strong, implacable...he can handle thing's I can not. I have been thinking alot since my last post, and I do not believe I was entirely correct.
I need to be Slaiyen if I am to survive, this is uncontested. As Dan, is far to fragile and unstable to. I now realize, if I am to kill Dan, and I fully become Slaiyen, nothing can ever hurt me, nothing can ever drag me down, nothing will ever be able to push me back into that hole...but Slaiyen isn't a creature capable of love, happiness, or any of the better thing's life can rarely offer.
I've always felt there were two being's dwelling inside this shell....well now maybe it's time to blend them into one. By the zodiac I am already the water dog, but now that water dog has a name.
I am Slaiyen, the Water Dog.
And I will find a way to live, and laugh and love, and I will destroy you if you cross me.
I will be the twinkle in your eye, or the knife in your back.
I am Slaiyen the Water Dog.
Do not cross me, or I shall cry havoc, and let slip the dogs of war.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Set Me Free
I know now what I've done wrong, why I've been so weak, why I could not take control. I tried to fight my demons, a fight I could not win then, nor can win now. This strategy has been flawed. You cannot fight something that lives only in shadow & mist. You cannot blow it away, you can not peirce it with your own light. There is a means however, a means to end this. I must join my demons.
Years ago, I was stone, I was indomitable, you could not bring me down. Somewhere between here and there, I let the part of me that is human out to live, this was a mistake. A mere mortal can not survive in my world. I must once again return to stone, what better way to beat a monster...then with another?
This monster has a name, one which I see every day and yet still somehow managed to forget until now. I robbed it of its strength....well now I give it back.
This monster is called Slaiyen.
And tonight, I set him free.
Welcome to the new world.
Years ago, I was stone, I was indomitable, you could not bring me down. Somewhere between here and there, I let the part of me that is human out to live, this was a mistake. A mere mortal can not survive in my world. I must once again return to stone, what better way to beat a monster...then with another?
This monster has a name, one which I see every day and yet still somehow managed to forget until now. I robbed it of its strength....well now I give it back.
This monster is called Slaiyen.
And tonight, I set him free.
Welcome to the new world.
The Razing
So this blog has evolved, to me at least, from more then just a bitch & whine spot. In a very real and disturbing way it has become me. And as I come to realize this, I've discovered I don't much care for what I've become, I say what becuase frankly I don't feel as if I'm even human anymore. So with that in mind, tonight I made a decision.
I'm going to kill myself....but not physically, no. I'm taking all that is me inside, and executing it. Whatever survives is what I shall be, I hope for once it'll be for the better becuase I'm sick and tired of being such a little bitch.
The first step towards this end, was the razing of my myspace. There's nothing left there but a blank page and my friends list, all else has been destroyed. Myspace to me has always been a reflection of who I was and as a result it also needed to be sacrificed for the greater good. I soppose if this works I could rebuild it, and perhaps I shall...but for the remainder of this little endeavor it shall stay a blank slate.
Should this fail...I do not have the means to handle it and I fear the darkness shall forever claim me....sadistcally enough the situation reminds me alot like Jigsaw's method of "teaching" his victims in the Saw movies, and ultimately the end game is the same...so that said, I'll end this with one of his qoutes, fitting as it may be.
Live or die, make your choice.
I'm going to kill myself....but not physically, no. I'm taking all that is me inside, and executing it. Whatever survives is what I shall be, I hope for once it'll be for the better becuase I'm sick and tired of being such a little bitch.
The first step towards this end, was the razing of my myspace. There's nothing left there but a blank page and my friends list, all else has been destroyed. Myspace to me has always been a reflection of who I was and as a result it also needed to be sacrificed for the greater good. I soppose if this works I could rebuild it, and perhaps I shall...but for the remainder of this little endeavor it shall stay a blank slate.
Should this fail...I do not have the means to handle it and I fear the darkness shall forever claim me....sadistcally enough the situation reminds me alot like Jigsaw's method of "teaching" his victims in the Saw movies, and ultimately the end game is the same...so that said, I'll end this with one of his qoutes, fitting as it may be.
Live or die, make your choice.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Nothing Left
As I Lay Dying - Nothing left
This world was never worthy
But how can I call it unfaithful
Every promise was fulfilled
As decay crawled from it's throat
Like the dead rising from an open grave
Lips of splendor and tongue of deceit
All dying now as our fragile wrists hold only waste
Like those gasping for their last breath
We cannot hide there's nothing left
If All my sorrow has led me here
Then I would cry all of my tears
To have this chance again
And know there's more than this
And know there's more than you
Like those gasping for their last breath
Screamo For The Win
So those of you who know the original version of this song....almost certainly know my loathing for it, However this version is simply bad-ass this is, so without farther bullshit
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