And I Know

And I know
I'm not the only one
But this day
I don't wanna pick up the pieces
So I'll sit here
And pretend I'm not here all alone
Maybe tommorrow
I'll be in a better position
To look at me
And see how defeated I don't have to be

Cause it's over & under and I'm still rolling from the thunder

But it's not that bad really
Maybe someday soon I'll see
Maybe even start to believe
That I will not be falling
That I will not be crawling
That I will not be crying
That I will be thriving
That I will be surviving
That I will be free of the burden that is me

Cause it's over & under and I'm still rolling from the thunder

And I know
I'm not the only one
But this day
I don't wanna pick up the pieces
So I'll sit here
And pretend I'm not here all alone
Maybe tommorrow
I'll be in a better position
To look at me
And see how defeated I don't have to be

Deal

A miracle in madness wrapped up just behind the eyes
Plucking the strings of a lost & tired fate a crash the body survives
Another starlight without a dying compromise
So take this death and rip it out of me
Wake me up screaming then beat me back down
Give me blissfull ignorance and I'll play another round
No matter how hard you fall you still hit the ground
Don't even pull the chute because honestly whats the use?
Your still gonna break, still gonna fall, still gonna run right into that wall
Dodge a bullet just to get hit by a tank well shit fuck damnit ain't that rank
At least the pain reminds you your battered hearts still beating
So maybe perhaps you can struggle on another day still breathing
Stand fast & buckle up grab a drink and get your knuckles up
A promise made is a promise kept even if it's no longer your trip
So stop being a little bitch and get over this shit its just another skip
On the soundtrack of life so just wrap it up nice & tight

Save Yourself

Stabbing Westward - Save Yourself


I know your life is empty
And you hate to face this world alone
So you're searching for an angel
Someone who can make you whole
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

I know that you've been damaged
Your soul has suffered such abuse
But I am not your savior
I am just as fucked as you
I am just as fucked as you
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
So just save yourself

Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me
Please don't take pity on me

My life has been a nightmare
My soul is fractured to the bone
And if I must be lonely, I think I'd rather be alone
I think I'd rather be alone

You can not save me
You can't even save yourself
I can not save you
I can't even save myself
Save yourself
So just save yourself

Breaking Me Down

Soil - Breaking Me Down


Let it go
How far will a falling star take me
How far can I go can I go
Gotta be what the nightmare made me
Gotta be gotta be what I see
Jump clear of the falling parts from me
How far will they go will they go
Cant give what you need from me baby
Just let it go

Bringing me down break me down sweet sugar
Bringing me down break me down
Breaking me down to the ground sweet baby
Breaking me down to the ground

Too much is made of whats in me
Not enough about how I strive
Keep an eye on your world its cheating
Keep an eye keep an eye on me
Deep inside theres a little place for me
A little place for me
Cant give what you want from me baby
Just leave it be

Sweet razor wound
Deep down slice my groove
Sweet razor wound
Deep down cmon and slice it

How far did the falling star take me
How far did it go did it go
Had to be what the nightmare made me
Fuck,..just had to be
Jump clear of the falling parts form me
How far did they go did they go
Cant give what you want from me baby
Hell,..just let it go

Me Inside

Slipknot - Me Inside


ME INSIDE

Inside!
Inside!
Inside!
Inside!
Inside!
Inside!
Inside!
Inside!


Giving into what has got me
Bleeding, claustrophobic, scarred
Severed me from all emotion
Life is just too fucking hard
SNAP! Your face was all it took
Cuz this need ain't doin' me no good
Fall on my face, but can't you see?
This fucking life is killing me!

Tearing me/ Inside
Tearing me/ Inside
Tearing me/ Inside
Tearing me/ Inside

Too far gone, I'm catatonic
Leaving you to criticize
Empty shell and running naked
All alone, lobotomized
Back and forth between my hang-ups
It isn't easy to be hated
Where do ya go? What do ya do?
Simpleton, impromptu - crazy eight
I never cared - not once - gotta get away

Tearing me / INSIDE
Tearing me/ Inside
Tearing me/ Inside
Tearing me/ Inside

I wasn't promised a thing
You keep mocking me
But you will never again
Before you know it - after you're gone

I wasn't promised a thing
You keep mocking me
But you will never again
Before you know it - after you're gone

Gone
Gone
GONE!

Surfacing

Slipknot - Surfacing


FUCK YOU ALL!

Running out of ways to run
I can't see, I can't be
Over and over and under my skin
All this attention is DOING ME IN!

FUCK IT ALL! FUCK THIS WORLD!
FUCK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR!
DON'T BELONG! DON'T exist!
DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
DON'T EVER JUDGE ME!

Picking through the parts exposed
Taking shape, taking shag
Over and over and under my skin
All this MOMENTUM is DOING ME IN!

FUCK IT ALL! FUCK THIS WORLD!
FUCK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR!
DON'T BELONG! DON'T exist!
DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
DON'T EVER JUDGE ME!
and don't you fuckin' Judge me

You got all my love, livin' in your own hate
Drippin' hole man, hard step, no fate
Show you nuthin', but I ain't holdin' back
Every damn word I say is a sneak attack
When I get my hands on you
Ain't a fucking thing you can do
Get this cuz you're never gonna get me
I am the very disease you pretend to be

I am the push that makes you move (x4)

FUCK IT ALL! FUCK THIS WORLD!
FUCK EVERYTHING THAT YOU STAND FOR!
DON'T BELONG! DON'T exist!
DON'T GIVE A SHIT!
DON'T EVER JUDGE ME!(X2)

Duality

Slipknot - Duality


I Push my fingers into my eyes...
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache...
But it's made of all the things I am today...
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside...
If the pain goes on...
Aaaaaaaah!

I have screamed until my veins collapsed
I've waited last, my time's elapsed
Now, All I do is live with so much fate
I've wished for this, I've bitched at that
I've left behind this little fact:
You cannot kill what you did not create
I've gotta say what I've gotta say
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the words
I guess I'll save the best for last
My future seems like on big past
You'll live with me 'cause you left me no choice

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Pull me back together
Our seperate the skin from the bone
Leave me all the Pieces, and then you can leave me
alone
Tell me the reality is better than dream
But I found out the hard way,
Nothing is what it seems!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the thing I am today
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane...
All I've got...all I've got is insane!
All I've got...all I've got is insane!

I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the thing I am today
Jesus, it never ends, it works it's way inside
If the pain goes on,
I'm not gonna make it!

Before I Forget

Slipknot - Before I Forget


Go!!!!

Stapled shut, inside an outside world and I'm
Sealed in tight, bizarre but right at home
Claustrophobic, closing in and I'm
Catastrophic, not again
I'm smeared across the page, and doused in gasoline
I wear you like a stain, yet I'm the one who's obscene
Catch me upon all your sordid little iserections,
I've got no time to lose, I'm just been caught up in all the cattle

Fray the strings
Throw the shapes
Hold your breath
Listen!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I'm ripped across the ditch, and settled in the dirt
and I wear you like a stitch, yet I'm the one who's hurt
Pay attention to your twisted little indiscretions
I've got no right to win, I'm just caught up in all the battles

Locked in clutch
Pushed in place
Hold your breath
Listen!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

My end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
The end of the road and my end
It justifies my means
All I ever do is delay
My every attempt to evade
THE END OF THE ROAD!

I! am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I! am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

I!! am a world before I am a man
I was a creature before I could stand
I will remember before I forget
BEFORE I FORGET THAT!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, OH!

Fine Again

Seether - Fine Again


It seems like every day’s the same
and I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
and there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over and I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well

I feel the dream in me expire
and there’s no one left to blame it on
I hear you label me a liar
‘cause I can’t seem to get this through
You say it’s over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I’m dying here

And I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now,
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late; just as well

And I’m not scared now.
I must assure you,
you’re never gonna get away
And I’m not scared now.
And I’m not scared now. No…

I am aware now of how
everything’s gonna be fine one day
Too late, I’m in hell
I am prepared now
seems everyone’s gonna be fine
One day too late, just as well
I am prepared now,
seems everything’s gonna be fine for me
For me; for myself.
For me, for me, for myself
For me, for me, for myself

Vexed

A friendly conversation with a twinge of hesitation
Just a shoulder to cry on, another limb to rely on
Well that's enough, cuase it'll have to be
So forgive me if I'm lying, but I don't want you to see I'm dying
I saw this rode approaching but I drove on anyway hoping
This crash wouldn't be as bad as the last filled with glass
I won't utter a breathe above the words free floating behind my eyes
No I won't shed a tear or pretend that I'm not altogether there
Just close my eyes and hold on tight to the feelings that are left
And well that'll have to be enough because I'm just out of luck

That's Enough

Dark New Day - That's Enough


Hover above my head and call me out
I'm beneath it all
Just a thief caught in the red
Hands dirty from the crawl
Back to an unsuspecting victim
Waiting on a different view
But it's too late now to change It
Wrapped inside, holding tight, to the memory of your light

And that's enough for me
I'm better off just to know you
Just stay right here with me
And that's enough for me
Just ask and I will show you
The man that I could be
And that's enough for me

They're running from eyes like there's a fire out of control
Saltwater testimony to a feeling in my soul.
Given to me by your tireless power,
Undermining all I've learned.
And it's too late now to change it
Wrapped inside, holding tight, to the memory of your light

[Chorus]

There's noone
And there's nothing left that's ever gonna bring me back down.

Savin Me

Nickelback - Savin Me


Prison gates won't open up for me
On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you
Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you
These city walls ain't got no love for me
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh, I scream for you
Come please I'm callin'
And all I need from you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'
yeah, yeah

And all I need is you
Come please I'm callin'
And oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me
Hurry I'm fallin'

And say it for me
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth savin' me

Bother

Stone Sour - Bother

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit

Dead End March

so this time another reason
another season for treason
the best with the worst
one less method for hire
a phoenix in cleansing fire
clear away the ashes
one more dead end march
to the dawn of frustration
a half minded comprehension
lost in the echoes of time

Mudshovel

Staind - Mudshovel


You take away
I feel the same

You take away
I feel the same
All the promises you made to me you made in vain
I lost myself inside your tainted smile again

Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again

I feel betrayed
Stuck in your ways
And you rip me apart
With the brutal things you say
I can't deal with shit anymore
I just look away

Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they bring only pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again

Mudshovel

You take away
I feel the same
All these promises
You promised only pain
If you take away
And leave me with nothing again

'Cause you can't feel my ANGER
You can't feel my pain
You can't feel my torment
Driving me insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You can't take away
Make me whole again

You will feel my anger
You will feel my pain
You will feel my torment
Driving you insane
I can't fight these feelings they will bring you pain
You won't take away
I'll be whole again

Shame

Stabbing Westward - Shame

I only see myself reflected in your eyes
So all that I believe I am essentially are lies
And everything I've hoped to be or ever thought I was
Died with your belief in me so who the hell am I?

I'm wondering 'round confused
Wondering why I try
The more that you deny my pain
The more it intensifies...
I pray for someone to ache for me the way I ache for you...
If you ignore that I'm alive
I've nothing to cling to

I stare into this mirror
So tired of this life
If only you would speak to me or care if I'm alive
Once I swore I would die for you
But I never meant it like this
I never meant like this
no i never meant like this

I don't know if I'm real without you
What is left of me without you?
I don't know whats real without you
How can I exist without you?

Sleep!?!? Who Needs It.

So past few days I've actually been sleeping semi-normal, YAY! right?....not quite. Sure I've actually fallen asleep a couple days in a row and on a somewhat reasonable time frame, but I end up being freaking exhausted all damn day...so wtf is the point? I have more energy when I don't sleep at all....so that said I'd like to take a moment to say FUCK YOU to whatever evil little deity is in control of slumbersville.....jackass.

Keep Holding On

You're not alone
Together we stand
I'll be by your side, you know I'll take your hand
When it gets cold
And it feels like the end
There's no place to go
You know I won't give in
No I won't give in

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

So far away
I wish you were here
Before it's too late, this could all disappear
Before the doors close
And it comes to an end
With you by my side I will fight and defend
I'll fight and defend
Yeah, yeah

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
[Keep Holding On lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Hear me when I say, when I say I believe
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

La da da da
La da da da
La da da da da da da da da

Keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through
Just stay strong
'Cause you know I'm here for you, I'm here for you
There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

Keep holding on
Keep holding on

There's nothing you could say
Nothing you could do
There's no other way when it comes to the truth
So keep holding on
'Cause you know we'll make it through, we'll make it through

72 Hours

So it's now been another 72 hour stretch with virtually no sleep, and I'm no longer capable of being tired, on the plus side I've become absolutely hooked on this lovely little group called Paramore, can't get enough of them so you all should give them a listen for your own personal audio bliss. So listen to them, feel it, and if you still don't get it, pluck the wax out of your damn ears, Crazy nubs...

----------------
Now playing: Paramore - Misery Business
via FoxyTunes

Worst Post Ever

Oh Yes I Spammed Alot The Past Couple Days, And Look It's all meaningless dribble!.....so yea I got bored and felt the need to post some random shit since I've only had like 5 entries for the last month....so....yea....considering I was averaging about one a day previously...that's kinda a steep fall...then again....it's all dribblesticks anyway so....whatever....been debating on posting some old shit I stumbled across just because it's not already here

Paramore

I got a lot to say to you
Yeah, I got a lot to say
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me
Keeping them here and it makes no sense at all

They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies
Your little spies
They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies
Your little spies

Crush, crush, crush
Crush, crush

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than' this

If you want to play it like a game
Come on, come on let's play
'Cause I'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute

They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies
Your little spies
They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies
Your little spies

Crush, crush, crush
Crush, crush

(1, 2, 3, 4)

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than' this now

Rock and roll baby, don't you know that we're all alone now
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll honey, don't you know, baby that we're all alone now
I need something to sing about
Rock and roll hey, don't you know, baby that we're all alone now
Give me something to sing about

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than' no

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone
Just the one, two I was just counting on
That never happens
I guess I'm dreaming again
Let's be more than'
More than this
Ohh
Hmm

Almost Easy

Surfacing

Lit Up

So we're lost and still havn't been found
We cower and still the march begins
So just scream and shout out your reasons
Maybe with another treat you can cure your treasons
One more chance is crawling back in
So just dig deep and find that strength within
You couldn't imagine another failure
So don't stumble this time, be your own savior
Cuase sooner or later your gonna break it
But now you need to know how to fix it
Just go ahead and throw your pain away
Just throw it away because your cant fake another day
Replace the farce rebirthing with elements of sage
Maybe one day soon some fools will erase the rage

Corrupted Blood

So they say with each & every day
The burning in the mind keeps on falling behind
A disease the fruitless curse of humanity
Why do we even pretend to be
Something more then what meets the eye
Another baseless faceless accusation
A selective generation plagued by cross breeding
Consequences of which have left our society bleeding
So why just don't we take the steps to see
If there's a chance in hell of healing this creation




"A little revolution now & then is a good thing, the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants"
-1787, Thomas Jefferson

Evolution

Round Two

Digging through some old post that never made it for one reason or another, not sure why I dropped this one, but here it is now.



I never knew how much I needed this
It's like a ball of happiness wrapped in bliss
A lovely little twist in the darkened mist
This battlefield of torment now touched by the sun
The movement in a breath got the demons on the run
Hypocritical silence now mocked with intense voilence
Murdered in the house with words instead of a gun

Flying While Falling

With each hour now
I feel the bright shine through
I shed this skin
just to break out then
I'll start a flame for you
To drown out the night
And embrace this light
I'm falling harder now
Deeper with every step
If we were to crash
I'd take the worst for you
You've brought me to life
And I'll give it all for you
You thawed this heart
Made it beat again
I won't give in
to that darkness again
Because of all you've done
And this is what I've become

A Drink With A Demon

Lost in faith, misplaced
Shadows fall, burn the soul
A horrid execution
A holy dementor rakes his face
Such a wicked embrace
He smiles outside
An effort to hide
The bleeding on the inside
A flash of peace
A sad release
From such evil disease
A bottle of gin in his hand
As he knows your about to sin
So don't just give up & give in
Stand up make some noise and stand up again

Burning Away

Now this line is your ending
and this one is my start
A million days are reaching
Right out of this heart
a darkened sky of tragedy
wiped out from this plane
now one day you can handle this
and get out of the rain
the mark of this is burning through
and in the end it'll ring true
a lightning bolt of happiness
striking on the brain
the fire in my heart is building up
to burn away the pain

You

Once I was lost but now I've been found
Mysterious wisps fleeting all around
I don't need a lot but just need this
Every moment alone one I'd rather not miss
The beating's no longer deceiving
Now that I see your believing
So maybe now this time It'll all break out

Your trust is a must, without it I'd fall to rust
I've been taken from strife and now given life
A reason to find that long lost ancient meaning
Drowning in the depths of your intellect
Longing for the day we can at once interact

For now the past forgotten, futures uncertain..

Begin

Something lost inside this mess
An unordinary day I must confess
The gloom starts to fade as I dress
A meaning found the feeling profound
The burden lifted shadows are shifted
A ray of hope is smashing in
At once perhaps this can begin

.....damn

..... ok this was intended to be an attempt to actually write something positive...and I find myself really wanting to, However the words just escape me....so I think I'm gonna go to sleep....and try again in the morning

----------------
Now playing: Skillet - Rebirthing
via FoxyTunes

Here We Go Again

Alright, I was doing pretty good today but now it's creeping up on me again....by now everyone should be asleep and so there's no one around to talk to....but then again this time talking wouldn't help cuase I don't know whats bothering me...I should be in a pretty good mood, Packers won, nothing bad happened today, I haven't even been obsessing over the past....but that damn black cloud is setting in again....I really wanna beat it this time but how can you fight an enemy you can't see?



----------------
Now playing: Adema - Giving In
via FoxyTunes

Wow, now ain't this emo

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Living is, hard enough, without you fucking up

Due to overwhelming evidence, I must conclude that I'm in serious need of some fixing....unfortunately this requires some communication, an area that I'm not exactly good in.....but if I'm ever to deal with shit normally it appears I no longer have an option as holding shit bottled up inside...not working so well anymore, so I'm gonna do something absolutely stupid, fucked up, and just generally insane....I'm gonna make a pathetic, bound to fail, and just generally ill advised attempt...to talk about it, though I fully expect it to blow up in my face




----------------
Now playing: Breaking Benjamin - Until The End
via FoxyTunes

Suicide of love took away all that matters

Firstly, with this entry I'm going to ask that no one actually read it unless the time comes, in which case you'll know. Secondly, should you choose to read it without the triggering event taking place you may regret it.

To prevent accidental reading I'll insert some clever reading material to distract you here:


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


In case you opted not to listen to my request, the following is basically my preemptive suicide note, if your actually reading it after the fact well, I'm sorry...



Now that the disclaimer's out of the way, we can get to the reality of things. It's becoming more & more obvious to me that I simply am a disaster in progress so in case the worst happens, I hold none of you accountable, the majority of you have done nothing but try to help I appreciate the effort and I thank you all, but some thing's once set into play are unavoidable.

Here I shall attempt to answer in more detail, the question many will be asking; why?

I could go on for hours on this, but it all pretty much boils down to this: My Life, Is A Void. And always has been, for quite some time I was simply ignorant of this fact but this is no longer the case. That ignorant quite simply was the only thing keeping me alive, had I realized what a pathetic shame this....life....was before I never would have made it this long. I've had it with it all, I don't see any hope for fixing things, and I'm pretty sure they cant be fixed anyway.

Next, some of you will wonder how anyone could be so selfish as suicide is a completely selfish endeavor. And your right, but understand this...I've spent the few years forcing myself to keep pushing on....for all of you, and I'm sorry but there's only so much I can deal with..I tried, I'm still trying but honestly I'm just getting weaker and weaker and the final falling simply can't be far off......So that said...I don't want any fancy funeral.....burn me & shelve me, maybe even sell my ashes on ebay that'd kinda be morbid, but it's me....no getting dressed up, no speeches no bullshit....my only other request, play Suicide is Painless then go out & get drunk. Those of you close enough, to actually be considered my friends, I love & miss you, perhaps if i'm wrong and there actually is an afterlife we'll meet again someday....the rest of you, you never made the effort to know me, so I wont waste the effort saying goodbye.


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Now playing: Stone Sour - Made Of Scars
via FoxyTunes

Flashdown

Some of you, ahem, have gotten the impression I may be "stuck in a hole", well just let me tell you, your 100% completely fucking wrong...alright fine, your right. Thing is I don't have the slightest clue as to how to actually climb the fuck out of it. I had thought maybe finding something to believe in would be the answer, but I can't seem to put faith in anything or anyone now, this is a rather serious problem and one I seem to be lacking a serious solution for.....so what the bleeding fuck do I do? I've changed so drastically I've lost the ability to self-project and analyze so I no longer have the option of even trying to look at things from a logical unbiased view, plus I'm completely blinded by the raw torrential flow of anger, hate, sadness & pain that seems to have taken over me....so someone, just tell me what I need to do, cause frankly I've about had enough.

----------------
Now playing: Yellowcard - Afraid
via FoxyTunes

Heh.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


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Now playing: Yellowcard - Five Becomes Four
via FoxyTunes

1..2...3.

I could be mean...I could be angry...you know I could be just like you...

There's something wrong with the world today, I don't know what it is...

If I gave you the truth would it keep you alive....

Wallow in my pain, I swallow as I pretend...

Down on your knees your screaming out to die...

I live to die another day...

Here I Go.

Jaded

I don't propose that humanity is gone
I only know that our morality is done
So lets take a breathe & draw that gun
Maybe todays the day you'll lives begun
& if you hesitate perhaps you'll just be late
For one more twisted messed up date
So now your pissed off & irrate
But don't sweat it cause it's not that great

Someday this day will dawn
And you'll get raped like that fawn
Then they can mow your ass down
So You'll be laughing like a clown

Oh I just don't understand
How the world just don't comprehend
The misgivings we all see first hand
It's a misguided world with a fucked up plan


Another dream shot down in flames
It's just yet another era of pain
Another day lost & faded
Somehow there's always a reason to remain jaded







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Now playing: Flyleaf - I'm So Sick
via FoxyTunes

And now I'm convinced on the inside that something's wrong with me

Can you see it bleeding, even as you lay kneeling
Would you believe it was fading, even if this heart kept beating
Do you know the feeling of dying while living a lie
Have you embraced the knowledge there's nothing you can do

It sounds like you've all but given up
Seems like you think your out of luck
It's not right when your living to die
You should be dying to live

I don't think you understand the misconceptions
Maybe perhaps your in need of some new direction
Something profound is bound to come along
To suffocate you slowly wrapped in misery
So take yourself out first a bomb to fuel their agony

Like Suicide

Premeditation will kill the trust
They'll never know if you fear me
With every second collecting dust
I feel so bloated and weary
'Cause she belongs to heaven

She's coming over like a suicide
And its the same old trip, the same old trip as before
Another overbearing suicide
But its the same old trip, the same old trip. AS BEFORE!

She'll cut you down with a single thrust
You'll never know if your near me
No medication can cure the lust
So say a prayer for the sickly
'Cause she belongs to heaven

[Like Suicide lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

She's coming over like a suicide
And its the same old trip, the same old trip as before
Another devastating suicide
But its the same old trip, the same old trip. AS BEFORE! AS BEFORE!

x8
You set me up to f**king fail this time


She's coming over like a suicide
And its the same old trip, the same old trip as before
Another devastating suicide
But its the same old trip, the same old trip as before


She's coming over like a suicide
And its the same old trip, the same old trip as before
Another devastating suicide
But its the same old trip, the same old trip. AS BEFORE! AS BEFORE!



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Now playing: Seether - Like Suicide
via FoxyTunes

I Will Never Know

So set for me a misery in blood shroud happiness
A horrid place of life filled with deepest regret
The life you crave the love that fades
Start again this rounds above your head
The magnum's laying next to you sitting on your bed
Wouldn't you know if you'd be better of dead

The blade hits the floor just like you always do
Lost yet found enough to see the map's been blurred
I don't know what I expect from me but it'll never be enough
Waking is torture the dreams are mindless enraged by violence
Screaming out yet every word I say echoes in silence
Cyanide claims these veins spreading its sickness
Can you sense the horror in this madness building

Some give up well I've given in embracing the darkness that lies within
The overwhelming sadness distracts from the haunting pressure
Well I'm crawling I'm crying I'm reaching the fuck out
For the answers & meanings & feelings I'll never pull in
With nowhere to run and nothing to hold soon this story will be told
At the end the fault will still be my own

Microsoft, Fuck You.

So my lovely 10 month old Xbox 360 has decided to fucking die. Flipped it on, Red Ring of Death...fucking lovely. A fucking $400 console just stops working after not even a fucking year, fuck you microsoft. Good news is it's still under warranty....but it's gonna take about a fucking month to get it back, so I guess there goes my escape from the mind numbing dullness that is every day life, so one again, fuck you microsoft.

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Now playing: Breaking Benjamin - Medicate
via FoxyTunes

It's Not Enough

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Now playing: Dark New Day - Taking Me Alive
via FoxyTunes

A Tragedy

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

It's Me!

World of....Toyota?

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Now playing: Sixx AM - Intermission
via FoxyTunes

Alive

Yet another tag to add to the chain...

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Now playing: Papa Roach - Alive (N' Out Of Control)
via FoxyTunes

Suicide is Painless

Hazaah my temper has returned! Destroyed yet another headset while playing BF2....damn thing's need to be made tougher I swear, I seriously didn't slam it into the ground as hard as I could or anything...really.....stupid fucking plastic piece of ...so...um...yea for those of you who have not yet noticed my latest away message, I've become obsessed with it....you all know it, but I garuntee you not one of you fuckers knows the words so read up...and for those in doubt...hum it to yourself....you should recognize it as the MASH theme.....aka "Suicide is Painless", dig it.

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Now playing: Breaking Benjamin - Had Enough
via FoxyTunes

Suicide By Alcohol

Life is a farce, I'll spare you the details and save you from the bullshit. Bottom line is we're all just living to die while dying to live, I for one have simply had about enough. There's nothing to live for and nowhere to go, nothing to see and nothing to tell and I'm growing more & more frustrated with each passing day. So I've decided to kill myself, slowly, after years of intensive alcohol abuse, who wants to end it with me?

Before I Go

It seems the only one that wants me is one I dare not want, and despite my attempt to not give a shit I find myself feeling sad & alone, unable to satisfy the most basic needs of human interaction. So I'm giving myself a deadline, quite literally in this case. Should things not be looking up within a month, drastic measures shall be taken to prevent them from ever looking anywhere.

Fucking Nubs

This somehow manages to be funny, sad, pathetic and just plain fucking not cool.

Yes, this is idiots breaking into a warehouse...and stealing Halo 3 before you can legally buy it, fucking nubs.

I Feel So Raped

So I've discovered the truth I've said time & time again, but somehow always doubted. I'm damaged goods. Battered & Broken, Misused & Abused. I can run through the motions, say all the right things at exactly the right time, but I'll never again mean them. Oddly enough at one point this would have saddened me, it seems however I've become numb to this now too. It's no big deal anyway, it's not like I'm actually the type to sit around stuck to some ball & chain so I guess there's no real loss to anyone. It's not like I could ever trust anyone enough to let them inside, so I guess in a way this is just saving some poor girl the frustration of trying to get close to me. Lucky her.

Dead On.

Seether - Fake It

Whose to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way
Good god, you're coming up with reasons
Good god, you're dragging it out
Good god, it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped, so follow me down

Fake it if your out of direction
Fake it if you don't belong
Fake it if you feel like infection
Whoa, your such a fucking hypocrite

You should know that the lies won't hide your flaws
No sense in hiding all of yours
You gave up on your dreams along the way
Good god, you're coming up with reasons
Good god, you're dragging it out
Good god, it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped, so follow me down and just...


Fake it if your out of direction

Fake it if you don't belong
Fake it if you feel like infection
Whoa, your such a fucking hypocrite

I can fake with the best of anyone
I can fake with the best of them all
I can fake it with the best of anyone
I can fake it all

Whose to know if your soul will fade at all
The one you sold to fool the world
You lost your self-esteem along the way
Good god, you're coming up with reasons
Good god, you're dragging it out
Good god, it's the changing of the seasons
I feel so raped, so follow me down and just...

Fake it if your out of direction
Fake it if you don't belong
Fake it if you feel like infection
Whoa, your such a fucking hypocrite

The Warthog

Many of you doubted me when I found a rumor and a picture of a Warthog, built to match the legendary Halo Warthog's. You said it looked CGI, it was a hoax...it was fake....I was wrong, Fuck yall for doubting cause bitch that mother fucker is real. It's on youtube right now bitches Go, See, Admit Your Defeat.

The Insanity That Is Me

So, who here would willingly work a 4-1 am shift.....stay up all night, and go back to work at 7:30 to help your manager move?......yea, I did that....Fucking fun actually, cept for ya know the severe lack of sleep and mild delusional episode during the drive home....and that strange numb sensation in my right thumb...ah well fuck a duck with a brillo pad and beat that son of a bitch till he bleeds. I'm tired yet refuse to sleep, so weird saying s& twisted meanings is what you'll get.

9-11 Rant

So it seems like everything is all fine & dandy, seems like everyones almost forgot the importance of the yesterday. Few remembered (or simply no longer care) the terrible events that took place this very day, six years ago. This is simply unacceptable. History happened, people bleed & died in the streets buried under hundreds of tons of debris, they were burned alive with jet fuel or fell to their death thousands of feet below. Now those of you who read the shit I post here should recognize the sheer contradiction in my normal thinking process here, which only amplifies how fucked up it is that so few actually gave a shit on this day. What about how how by this time (2:58 am, 9-12-01) thousands of people were hoisting American flags, unified in ways this country has already forgot? Why about all those ribbons you paid overinflated prices for just because it showed that you cared? What about the tattoo's you got, or the banners, signs, whatever you made to express your support? Where the fuck was that yesterday? What about all those "These color's don't run" shirts, hats, bands, whatever else they had? What about "We'll never forget" Yea....Well never just ain't forever in this damn country now is it mother fuckers?

When I'm Sober, Life Bores Me

"All I need is a bottle, and I don't need no friends, no
Wallow in my pain, I swallow as I pretend
To act like I'm happy, when I drink till no end, no"

The truth in music is so plainly bold, yet so often overlooked and ignored by the masses of fans. Only those that can relate, ever truly notice the depth and meaning that makes the beating heart of a good song. Sadly, those that notice this are often victims. I am one such victim, for while I am not an alcoholic by any means, the only time I'm ever truly happy is when I'm shitfaced.

So I fill my days with fruitless entertainment, knowing full well it'll never actually satisfy me. Each day drags on, every task begins dull it all becomes so pointless....until that booze hits my blood and I become something else. Perhaps I should become an alcoholic, at the very least I'm far happier in that state and it seems I'm also considerably more entertaining as well.

Lord Of The Dead

In Hells Kingdom I Serve....to do the bidding of the King Hades, and his bidding is clear finally. The reason why I'm still here on this cursed planet, is to convert those that can be converted....and to kill the rest of you. The world before you is just a facade for underneath the true battle wages every hour, measured in the final beats of dying hearts the currency of the realm the blood of the fallen. I give you now this chance to cleanse your soul repent, recognize the faults of this world and you can still be saved.....continue to live in ignorance and your blood will be spent.


This has been a public service announcement sponsored in part by Lucifer Corp.

For more information please contact your nearest Deathdealer office.

The Absence of Light

Halloween, Ah the horror, the bloodshed, the nice young tits bouncing around on the big screen....no matter how many times they make another one you'll never tire of this glorious combination. Honestly can you think of a better combination that would continually draw in hundreds of thousands of horny, bloodthirsty, sadistic and let's no forgot totally psychopathic consumers into dark stuffy rooms with overpriced food & drink? I sure can't.

And damn you all for even trying. Micheal Myers is a legend, one of the few media icons I actually admire and in s twisted way, love & respect. There's nothing darker or more sinister then pure evil armed with a blade and tossed into the body of a child.....Oh yes, Dr. Loomis was right "These eyes will destroy you." Someday some poor bastard is finally gonna push me that one step to far, and honestly I hope I have the raw cold hearted sickness required to start my own legacy following in this psychopath's footsteps. Pretty fucked up huh? Blame Society, for I am a product of your abuse, your neglect, your cold hearted indifference. Maybe there's a little Micheal Myer's in all of us.

How High

So.....Saturday night = the pwnzer, with the sole exception of Seavey's practically BEGGING for an ass kicking, that ignorant fuck probably still doesn't have a clue how close he was to getting brutally murdered....ah well, I broke my foot off in his ass a couple times so maybe he'll learn something....(doubtful) Ah but now for the funny shit, Now either Im immune to the canubis or as everyone keeps telling me your first time doesnt ever do ANYTHING to you.....which makes me wonder how the fuck anyone ever discovered it's effects in the first place because seriously, if you smoked something and nothing happened, why the fuck would you do it again?....crazy fucking Indians and shit, only they would keep puffing on shit for no obvious reason

Ah well, bottom line Saturday rocked, if you weren't there fuck you, if you were, Rock On You Crazy Mother Frakker.

Priceless.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Testing

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Salt, Or Lack Of

Production of said Title has been postponed indefinately due to a complete lack of time and or the drive to actually finish the horrorpiece.

Translation:

Work + New Battlefield Clan + Still Having A Life = No More Salt.

However at some point I will edit what I've written so far and post it here for your viewing displeasure.

Bane of Your Sack

You know it's funny, I've spent the bulk of my life attempting to dodge physical labor whenever possible, that is not to say that I'm lazy but why do shit the hard way when you don't absolutely have to, right? So it's incredibly odd to find myself actually enjoying the menial back breaking slave camp workloads I've been doing. I come home, tired, aching, having blisters in places I didnt know you could even get blisters......but I love it, it's almost as if the pain's a magical healing elixir for whatever the hell is crossfired in my head. It hasn't even been a week since I hit the floor and already I'm not only back into shape but my endurance and strength are just growing each day.....and the really odd thing is, I went into this expecting to be bored out of my skull figured I'd have to fight to keep my mind on the task at hand but somehow (and this just boggles me) I'm fully alert the entire course of the day and it's....kinda weird, but kinda liberating too. But being the realist I am...how long can this truly last?....we shall see, but who knows maybe this is exactly what I need

Mufasa FTW

So something truly weird has happened, and you'll never see this coming. Me, being the incredibly persistant royal pain in all your asses that I am. Have won. Yup, I frakking pwned the lovely bitterness that had managed to take hold, and yes...that means that whiny lil emo bastard part of me has been shot to death repeatedly at point blank range with a sawed off 12 gauge pump action loaded with explosive fucking shells. (Imagine the mess that made on the carpet...)

So soon now, very very soon....It's party time. There's a bottle of absolute chillin on ice soon to be joined by some jager, red bull & some ice frakking cold beer....and then it's time to totally get ripped out of my fucking skull, so who wants in on that shit? (you know how to find me)

Eternal

A Shining Finger Extends To Greet
Secrets Lost The Day They Meet
Sanity's Soul The Dark They Keep
Freedom Bleeds As They Flee
Such Horror Depraving Dignity
The Blood Spills The Rivers Soak
Face The Dead Your Life They Dread
Surrender The Pain Embrace This Shame
Die In The Name of The Game

Evelution

Alrighty.....been a while since I posted something, so uh....where to begin......im working again, won't mention where since those that need to know do and we don't want any unwanted visitors just showing up thus forcing me to end their life as quickly as possible. I've decided there's no point in seeking out a significant other as it's only a matter of time before they either a) start playing games as all females do, or b) shows her true colors and turns out to be another drama loving bitch.....both of which I simply have no desire to deal with.....it's time to return to an old evelution of myself....and yes im fully aware I spelt "evolution" wrong, but I didn't.....because I'm talking about Evelution not Evolution.

Evelution for those of you few few fuckers in the know, is what I call each stage of my existance. It's like a new level you attain in a RPG, you suddenly find yourself with access to new traits & abilities you never had before...and honestly it's been far to long since I leveled up but that won't last for long, I'm fast approaching this next Evelution and it's gonna be a Mighty one......of course there's always a downside....in order to become this next new monster, something must die.....which is troublesome becuase this little aspect of Evelution is completely out of my hands.....so we'll just have to see what happens..

No Place Left To Go

I know the pieces fit....

....but they just won't meld together, another wave of this storm has hit my levee's have crumpled and I no longer wish to resist. I've grown so tired of putting myself back together after each wave, to make matters worse I don't even want to try this time instead I find myself considering other means to the end of this misery I call life and to be honest they become more appealing with every passing moment.....so what do I do?

..cuz I watched them fall away

Madness in a Revery

I've lost control
this world is slipping
this fire will be
the death of me
I'm so angry everyday
It's been caged for to many days
and the pain is slipping away
replaced by the unquenchable fire
set free by such dark twisted desire

I'm falling faster then I can soar
There must be a reason I've been so ignored
your laughters fleeting my arms are reaching
grasping for a grip this whole life's been a trip

I've lost myself in this revery
this musics just drifting away
I've had enough of all this shit
all I want is to be rid of it
the feelings drain as
this angers injected in my veigns
im crying out looking for an answer
something to numb the rage
my release has become the frustration
another burden resting on my cage
the bars are bending the ceilings wanning
and this just might be the end

For Real This Time

Alright, I said it before but got lazy and lost interest, but this time I mean it. I went ahead and laid down the mental frame work for what will become my twisted vision. Yes that's right, Salt is going to become a working reality. I'm gonna spend a little more time working out the details internally before actually committing anything to bytes however in the meantime any sick, depraved, horrific, painful, acts of torture and vengeance you people can think of feel free to submit them to aid the creative process, I've opened up comments to all should you feel the need to participate.

In the meantime, you all need to head over to myspace and rock your ass off to my current song before I tire of it and remove it. In case your already too late, the song was The Unseen "Scream Out".

17 WTF

What do you call a couple that has 17 kids, all whose name begins with a J and still want more? FUCKING GOD DAMN RETARDED!  These people should be locked up and beaten to bloody frakking bits or at the absolute very least fucking castrated.  I mean 17 kids? What the fuck is wrong with you? For Fuck's Sake Use a Fucking Condom.   This angers me, how the fuck can you possibly give 17 kids the required amount of time and attention they need to be fucking NOT a knife wielding killer?....fucking idiots

For any who think I make this up, though I wish to god I were:

http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/08/03/17.kids.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

Frequency

So what would you give to find someone that understood you? Someone that you don't need to explain yourself to becuase they're already thinking on the same wavelength.  No I'm not talking about soulmates, they don't exists I'm referring to someone that actually operates on the same crazy stupid rare frequency I run on.....someone that finds my twisted lil mind entertaining, even when I cross the little imaginary line that most people consider "messed up" becuase hey, I am messed up but damnit it's entertaining

Currently Playing: 

That's Enough - Dark New Day

Transformers

So, who woulda thought a movie based on a cartoon about robots that transform into toasters, cars, and CD players could possibly not suck? Yea, I was thinking the same thing....but I must say Transformers blows you the fuck away.  It's quite possibly the best movie I've seen in quite some time, lotsa action a surprisingly interesting plot, Megan Fox is smoking fucking hot....and lets not forget the amazingly awesome new Camaro makes an apperance in the form of Bumblebee, kick ass. All in all a good fucking flick, definatly worth a watch or two.

Blood on the Verizon (Extended Edition)

It was a pretty nice day, the sun was shining it was hot but not quite to hot and everything was fine for everyone everywhere....except for verizon online "high speed" DSL subscribers.  These poor people are constantly plagued by shitty customer service, bad connections that always drop, and snail like speeds that make good ole dialup on the 56k modem look like a NASCAR race.  

On this day at this time, Verizon's incredibly shitty overall business policy has turned into a death warrant, as well it should how can anyone run a business like this and expect, in this day & age not to get brutally murdered for it?  Well this day, the bill came due.  Becuase one man wasn't going to tolerate the incredible inconveniance and frustration Verizon's actions were cuasing him, He'd had it before, but now the net was down agian...and this was the straw that triggered a homocidal rage.

The door opened a chime chimed a clerk looked up to see his last sight, the hilt of a dagger protruding from his forehead.   By the time the first droplets of blood began dripping down the clerk's face another blade had found it's way into the chest of a costumer who had previously been checking out the latest overly trendy cell phone's, it was as this poor bastard's body hit the ground that the first horrified scream rang out.  Within seconds a half dozen more followed the first, amplifying as another dagger lodged into a second clerk's arm with a sickening thud-crack as it both embedded and broke the bone underneath.  

It's a small store, cramped...little cover, no where to run no where to hide, but more importantly only one way in & out.  A perfect death trap.  No one was sparred, within two minutes all three clerks as well as the afternoon's customer's lay stacked in a pile behind the counter, their blood telling the tale of why this tragedy had to happen.  The writting was literally on the wall, "Fix Your Fucking Internet, Or This Is Only The Begining." 

In The Blink of an Eye

a dawning twilight

focused in the headlights

the moment slows

a pulse echoes

in this eye blink

you stand on the brink

by the time the lid rises

your soul will be gliding

on the wings of angels

your burdens will be shed

as your body lay dead

in this moment you are free

from here till eternity

Just Like You

What do you do when your backed into a corner? or you feel like you have nothing left to give? or you believe there's no reason to go on? or you simply cannot take this anymore?....For most people at this point there's really only option and it's usually a pretty nasty surprise for those around them, but this is me....and I'm not going out like that.  Why? Becuase I think there's still some small level of hope? Fuck that, there isn't any.  But this is me...and I make my own mold, just becuase life may own the board...but this is my fucking game.....so I'm gonna do the only thing I can...I'm gonna take this misery you call life and well, I'm getting even.

I'm done being the victim.

I could be cold..

I could be ruthless

You Know I Could Be Just Like You

This Reality is Ending

"My soul is in a coma
and none of my friends can tell
That I'm reaching out and getting nothing
This is just a story of a broken soul"

.....this is all together to true.  I'm living in a dream world without a dream and all I wanna do is scream out, break through the fourth wall and find some fucking meaning in all this.  I'm so far beyond sick & tired of the same old shit it's maddening.  The only distraction from the ever constant droning of senseless numbing are the intermittent waves of sadness & pain with a hefty side of depression. It's kinda funny though how underneath it all there's

the persistant little question that just refuses not to be aske, in case you give a shit, the lovely question in question happens to 

be "What's the point?" anything you accomplish, doesn't mean shit. It doesn't matter if your fucking President or CEO of some 

fortune 500 company, if your some big shot fucking athelete or musician it just doesn't fucking matter. If you died today, 

everybody would cry but a year from now only a few will ever remeber the day, a year or two from then and even the most 

loyal forget and it just gets progressively worse the more time passes. Bottom line? it doesn't matter who you are or what you 

do, your gonna end up rotting in the ground all alone and hollow, dying in enternity anyway.

"I'm God."

Totally pointless post here to confound you and amuse me, but thats just how it needs to be.

During a recent firefight in Karkand this crazy ass nub felt the need to declare "I'm God."

Naturally I felt the need to respond with "Your God? Good, Cuase I have a list of complaints."

Shortly afterwards I pwned his ass with me MG36 and proceeded to teabag "God" repeatedly.

Thus,

I pwned & teabagged God.

Which makes me his God.

Nub.

A Flashfire Furnace

I'll see myself

for what I truly long to be

to become this

I'll destroy myself

to rise above the flames

of this burned out soul

I'll never erase 

these blood soaked ashes

from the stains of my life

Untill it burns all away

The Torches' smoldering

A day for self-immolation

Pour some gas let's light the match

I'll burn today to save tommorrow

Crawling in the Dark

"Show me what it's for

Make me understand it

I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer"

So for a while now it seems as if I've pretty much put about everything on hold.  It's like living, but not really living seems to me I find myself waiting for something, maybe even someone, to come along.  and just make everything have a meaning again ya know? just something to give me a reason to want to do something. I'm not sure why but somehow just living for yourself is all so hollow, there just isn't anything special there that really makes it worth it, right now living to live is just like waiting to die.  It's pretty pointless and it's really kinda boring.  

"But in the end

It doesn't even matter"

Life is often referred to as a journey and rightly so, each decision leads you down a different path sometimes to reconnect with the one you walked before, sometimes to go in a totally different direction.  Sometimes you have no choice but to travel alone for a while, even if there's people all around you.  Somehow walking through the brightest of days alone, just can't compare to trodding in the heaviest of storms with someone right there trodding with you.

I Feel Better Now

The door opened a chime chimed a clerk looked up to see his last sight, the hilt of a dagger protruding from his forehead.   By the time the first droplets of blood began dripping down the clerk's face another blade had found it's way into the chest of a costumer who had previously been checking out the latest overly trendy cell phone's, it was as this poor bastard's body hit the ground that the first horrified scream rang out.  Within seconds a half dozen more followed the first, amplifying as another dagger lodged into a second clerk's arm with a sickening thud-crack as it both embedded and broke the bone underneath.  

It's a small store, cramped...little cover, no where to run no where to hide, but more importantly only one way in & out.  A perfect death trap.  No one was sparred, within two minutes all three clerks as well as the afternoon's customer's lay stacked in a pile behind the counter, their blood telling the tale of why this tragedy had to happen.  The writting was literally on the wall, "Fix Your Fucking Internet, Or This Is Only The Begining." 

Circle

Your name means shit

welcome to the mad cat death trip

with words of anger and failure

demented actions of holy vengeance

We are the lost & the chosen

still completely frozen

were living for death

with each & every breath

the harder you strive to live

to faster you slip towards death

the drums beat to fast

for this enduring feeling to last

we struggle as we lie

just to die as they cry

this life is a lost cuase

so here's to the baton pass

maybe the next gen's power trip

will bring salvation to this one last step

Music = Orgasm

I have tour dates!

Looks like Asbury Park is the closest they're coming this way, but there's an added kick to this now...not only do we have Breaking Benjamin, Seether & Three Days Grace on the billet...Apperently Red shall also be there....can we say friggin sweet?

Papa Smurf Who?

Now you all know mixing beer with allergy meds can be a fun experience, well here's an interesting twist that makes it not so much fun.  Try it with the nighttime formula.  You enter what I like to call "beyond comatose" mode and become for all intents and purposes just a giant paperweight with a mildly amusing view on things, now this is a serious abuse of proper alcohol consumption as you simply cannot fully enjoy your currently inebriated state to it's potential.  Suffice it to say I was a little concerned to see how fucked up I'd become after only four drinks and a mild dose of what I had believed to be normal everyday OTC benedryl, It couldn't be my tolerance had slipped to such lows that this was all it takes to totally lay me out could it?...Should my tolerance every drop to that point I will have no choice but to drown myself in a keg becuase lets face it, those that cannot carry their liquer are hopelessly outclassed by the rest of of the drinking world.  Got home after nearly falling asleep not once but a dozen times and just out of drunken stupor decide to check the packaging....and to my surprise I discover, in very small print as if they didnt want me to read this "Nighttime Formula", Sweet, my tolerance remains intact.  Now I can begin plotting the demise of the corporate nutjob that felt the need to all but hide the all important information from me,  But Alas as my revenge is in it's brooding phase I slip into blissfull sleep state featuring dreams, or nightmares depending on your point of view, of Legion's of Smurf's marching on Washington singing "It's A Small World"...I kid you not folks, you can't make this shit up.  Now if you think that's cute, your gonna love it as I go into details.  Each and every one of these lil blue fuckers was armed with a pitch fork, had it's teeth filed down till they looked like vampire fangs...and not just the canines, each tooth...and they all had this blood shot crazed Ralph Wiggum on crack expression burned into their face.  Now how many of you would do your best to get away from such creatures? Not me...no, It occured to me that if I could control such an army I would be invincible.  So I grabbed a thing of cheese, now what would possess me to think these horrible abominations would want cheese I simply cannot fathom, and sure enough...they did most definatly not want cheese.  But it did seem to remind them they were hungry as when I tried to give one some cheese it took a chunk out of my arm....now it gets twisted, I woke up at this point sweating and totally confused, grabbing my arm only to discover it's fine...ok, bad dream right?...Alright, go grab a drink and a quick bite to eat before heading back to sleep.....and I pick up the dream exactly where it left off.  The little blue fucker is standing there chewing on my flesh so at this point I did the only rational action, I bite his ass back.  Now only in my fucked up head could smurf's bleed anything but blue blood, sure enough he bled alot, of powdered sugar.  Now ladies & gentlemen up into now this story has not crossed the line as to where I would classify it as weird, but after this....all I can say is what the fuck.  Soon as that sugary blood started pouring out, a dozen of this blue bastards brethren jump on him and start feasting on the super sweet sugar, consuming their little buddy in the process....and they grew, this is where I gave up my desire for global domination and simply decided saving my own ass was the best choice of options at this point so in following my grand scheme for self preservation I bolted faster then Micheal Jackson dodging another child molestation charge.  I end up miles away within mere seconds looking down from my nice little hiding abode watching as the blue spawn of hades turn on each other, eat, grow, and repeat the process into only one remains (keep in mind I hear the Highlander theme song playing over loudspeakers during this) and mutter to myself "There can be only one..."  And sure enough after a few more moments there is only one...but now he's a hundred feet tall and his white smurf hat and white smurf pants have turned red as he is now the ultimate Papa Smurf.  Then you hear a roar.  As always must happen when you have a incredibly large creature, another incredibly large creature must appear to combat it.  Godzilla is here.

Yes, that's right...God fucking zilla, aproaches his now arch nemesis Giant Evil Papa Smurf (We'll Call Him GEPS From Now on) They do the classic stare down, a giant tumbleweed blows past even though there's no wind to blow it.  They start btheir face off, Godzilla swinging his old skool spiked tail at GEPS's head, GEPS sidesteps and predictably grabs Godzilla's tail thus using it to swing Godzilla around in singles before throwing him into a building. Godzilla gets back up, does his breathe thing Geps gets burned, Geps is pissed now, he extends his hand, gives Godzilla the giant blue finger, and summons his giant Pitch Fork to his hand before hurling it into Godzilla's chest piercing his heart and killing him instantly.  Geps Is Happy.  He does a crazy ass Irish Jig even manages to use his evil smurf powers to create himself a giant glass of beer, he downs it....and drops dead.  A little flower falls out of nowhere and lands on Geps's chest and I wake up completely and totally confused.

The Moral of the Story?  Giant Evil Smurf's Kick Ass?

Coby Dick, I Love You

So I'm pissed, Apperently the lucky fuckers in St Paul Min, not only got to see Papa Roach AND Hinder on stage together (I hate all of you bastards that attended this show now) but they both fucking covered Born To Be Wild.  Lucky sons of bitches.

But in keeping with my lovely wtf-vibe I got going on here, I give you all Coby's latest blog entry. But Since I Feel like being crafty, you'll need to highlight it to read :-) Haha.

July 20, 2007 @ 10:35 PM

JUST GOT OFF STAGE IN ST. PAUL MINNISOTA THE SHOW WAS FUCKING OUT OF CONTROL!!!! I SANG BORN TO BE WILD WITH HINDER TONIGHT. ITS KIND OF WEIRD SINGIN ON STAGE WITH ANOTHER BAND. BUT TO GET BACK TO MY SHIT I THREW UP IN MY MOUTH DURING THE SET TONIGHT. DISGUSTING I KNOW. I WENT TO WALMART EARLIER TODAY AND GOT ME AND MY SON RAZOR SKOOTERS SO WE CAN RIDE THEM ON TOUR HE WILL BE OUT WITH ME FOR A COUPLE WEEKS!!!!! YYYEEEAAAHHH!!!!  HE IS TOTALLY STOKED TO BE HERE. OTHER THAN THAT SHIT IS COOL RIGHT NOW CANT REALLY COMPLAIN ABOUT MUCH THE SHOWS ARE PACKED AND WE ARE KILLIN IT!!! OH YEAH AND I LOVE THE MOVIE OFFICE SPACE ITS ONE OF THE FAVORITES AROUND HERE LATLEY. FUNNY SHIT. TOBIN KEEPS FUCKIN WITH TRYIN TO CONVINCE ME NOT TO TRIM MY PUBES BUT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH I LIKE IT NEAT DOWN THERE. THE BLOG IS IN THE GUTTER JUST WHERE I LIKE IT. HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

This WIll Confuse You

Alrighty, let's do something different for a change, instead of bitching ranting or just generally being depressing I'm gonna make a positive post! (....No, seriously) Why you may be thinking? Tonight I feel good, so good in fact nothing anyone can do nor say nor think can bring my mighty battleship of joy down, feel sick yet? you should this kind of good mood is what I'd normally refer to as "Ignorant Cheerleader Happiness", cuase folks we all know ignorance is bliss but apperently that rule doesnt apply right here right now so Muhahahahahahahha....hahahha, Oooh yea.....Run for the hills folks cuase I've gone and checked into the Bleepy BLoopy Haha Motel.....Wow, Im gonna hate myself for this post tommorow.

Like (Yea)

Frakking Awesome!

This Fall Folks, Seether, Three Days Grace & Breaking Benjamin.  They hit Sayreville I'm all over that like peter north breaking in a new co-star.  

You Will Come Too, Well some of you are coming, the others (you know your worthless) will pussy out or say it's not their scene (you emo fuckers).

Holy Shit.

It's 11:59 pm.....and I'm actually tired. Nice. Decent Sleep Schedule Restored.

That or it's the heat.....ah well, fuck it.

Aren't you happy you wasted time reading this?.....I know I'm glad I did writing it.

-Pwned.

Columbine Revisited

Alright, now this is probably not the smartest thing to post where anyone can simply stumble across it.....but to hell with it, this needs to be said.  You may have heard about two kids who were arrested for planning a lovely Columbine anniversary shooting, All I can say is they were fucking morons, much like the two bastards that carried out the original attack and I'm saying they were morons for doing it I completely understand their reasoning even though I myself would choose a.....lets call it a different approach but I call them morons becuase well, honestly they fucked up.  Big time.  Their largest bombs which were placed in the caf and would have gone a long way towards incrwasing the body count were defective and failed to detonate that was mistake 1.  Mistake 2, their positions were flawed....Honestly their entire operation was a fluke and it's only due to sheer surprise that they managed to kill anyone.  Sad thing is, In all of five minutes I had conjured a plan that was far superior in every way estimated body count for my method would hit nearly a hundred, a far more effective statement in truth.  Now, becuase of a good chance I'll get arrested myself for mentioning any details as to my plan on here I won't....but if you wanna know, you know how to find me.

When I Get My Hands On You

Society a losing game

So conflicted it's gone beyond lame

A curse in this a plague in us

I'm aching to set it free

So I've got a bullet for me & a bullet for you

A noose and a limp for the rest of them

There's a cleansing in death this world badly needs

To rejoice in the rebirth there must first be sacrifice

Death & Destruction Just Another Form of Construction

Fuck this fate this world's filled with hate

Greed & Lust these have become our fate

Seperation between heaven & hell no longer exists

Demons & Angels All Dwell Among the Living

Even There So Called God Can't Be That Forgiving

Ripping this place straight from fame

This world is dead and only I can see

So I'll cut the limbs from your tree

Embrace the flames of pain & disgrace

Die clean don't be a hypocrit

Semper Fi

Every so often I find myself revisting this idea, and every so often I generally talk myself out of it.  But now the more I consider it the better it sounds, what could be better then getting payed to kill? Granted there's always the chance I'll get hit and wind up dying in a pool of my own blood while some hot piece of lead has taken up residence where sopme vital organ used to belong, but hey it beats dying 80 or 90 years from now old, useless, wearing adult diapers and eating jello pudding cause my teeth are long gone....I'll take option A anyday over that, least there's some honor in dying in battle.  Figure I'll give it another week or so just to reconsider this logic and if it's still making sense it's time to look into thing's in detail, see what kind of signing bonus they're doing these days

Yea, for those that didnt catch on, I'm talking about the good ole USMC.