I remember that it hurt.

Do you remember my note all those years ago? The one I tried to hide in plain sight but you found anyway? The lying smile on my lips? That first night with Jay and Nick, Nicole and everyone else at Fezziwig's? That night around a crowded table of friend's drinking and laughing and just enjoying each other's company. Nicole said something to you that night, something I don't know if you recall about someone you both knew passing away. I wanted to say something then but I couldn't bring myself to break the generally good mood of the night, I held my tongue. My heart broke again. Do you remember that time we went to some crappy bar to see Nick's friend's band play? The night I fell asleep leaning on the table? I didn't fall asleep....the band had stopped playing and the radio came in to the The Killers Mr. Brightside and my heart shattered again. Do you remember when I vanished during your Dad's wedding only to be found after forever in the bathroom and I let everyone believe I passed out? Hiding, that's all it was because wedding's only serve to remind me of a dream that no longer has the chance to become real. All these thing's I've done, every relationship I sabotage or let starve to nothingness. The reason I pray every waking moment for death. The reason I can't sleep. The reason I come off as cold or standoffish. The reason I want so badly to kill myself. There was a girl once, one who showed me kindness at a point in my life where literally everyone else treated me like shit. I never told you what she meant to be, kept telling myself one day everything would fall into place and she would know and we'd be together. I never had the courage to ask her out, couldn't even find my voice long enough to hold an actual conversation with her in person......but she got that. We'd spend hours talking on AIM every day even though I could barely mutter Hello to her in person. I loved her with every fiber of my heart and soul. I love her still and it bring's my intense physical pain to think about her. It's been a little over eight years since she passed away and for me that pain is just as fresh as it was the day I learned the news. I simply can not function in a world where she doesn't exist anymore. Her name was Sam.

Pitiful

I don't know know what people see in me
don't understand why they let me be
I close my eyes and it begins
the creature inside stops and turns
its spins around, stops and churns
vomits fire and watches the world burn
somebody needs to stop this thing
get up on its back and cut off its wings
tame this beast so I can be
whatever it is this world has made me
I can't handle this depression no more
tired of my spirit being opressed some more
maybe it's time I get out of this game
but I can't escape the feeling it'll be the same
so I close my eyes just to see
what it could be like to be me
without these issues nor this baggage
but all I see is the beast
waiting for its next chance to feast
on my heart and on my mind
the same thing happens every damn time
so lay me down knock me dead
I'm tired of sleeping in this bed
I realize I'm whining and complaining
but my only options I keep debating
a quick fall and a sudden stop
or across the highway not down the lane
somehow I don't think I'm all that sane
I think of this shit as a fucked up game
and I know that may sound lame
but I swear to you it's all the same
this life we lead is a mask
so we may not come under attack
for showing each other what we really are
some people just take it to far
so I just wear my heart on my sleeve
and let everyone judge till they're relieved
secured in the fact that I'm just defective
clueless to them they're so effected
this world is savage, mean, and cruel
the prices we pay just to be cool
one damn world that's so misleading
it's ground into us before we start teething
music about grills and chicken noodle soup
never helps you out in a group
that retarded shit is useless and vane
to our very existance it's a bane
the definition of fail
up shits creek without a paddle or sail

Closed.

Due to several factors, blogger not being flexible enough, myspace not having the storage capacity I require, and now blogger no longer being "secure" this blog ends, effective immediantly.

Familiar Landscapes

New Found Glory - Familiar Landscapes


Let's fall deeper into sleep
And our dreams become fake reality
I wake, i hope.
I'm on my way, to a coast
Where I know the roads like the back of my hand
Familiar landscapes

And I know that this is new
Like your first day of school
And you're feeling awkward
Like you miss your home
And it leaves you with an empty feeling
I just can't take it anymore

What do you want from me?
What do you want from my life?
What do you want from me?
Cause my heart can't take it
My heart can't take this anymore
You feel deeply misplaced
Your world has been built to crumble
You hope and pray everyday it works out
And it leaves me with this empty feeling
I just can't take it anymore

What better time than now to bandage your bleeding
And I won't stop till I fix your misleading
Your charm of course you use as a weapon
But my heart can't take it

Bleed For Me

Saliva - Bleed For Me


All I ever wanted
was to be at your service
but now I'm alone
cause you were here and you're gone

And all I ever wanted
was to feel I had a purpose
but now that's all gone

But if you could give me
just one love
just one life
just one chance to believe in mine
just one love
just one life
you'd bleed for me
and I didn't dare to notice you
now I'm stuck
out on a line.
Bleed for me
I didn't care to be with you
now you're stuck in my mind

All I ever wanted
was to be what you needed
cause something so strong
it could never be wrong.
And all I can promise
is to say what I'm feeling
We've made it so long

But if you could give me
just one love
just one life
just one chance to believe in mine
just one love
just one life
you'd bleed for me
and I didn't dare to notice you
now I'm stuck
out on a line.
You'd bleed for me
I didn't care to be with you
now you're stuck in my mind

Just one love in my life...
You'd bleed for me
and I didn't dare to notice you
now I'm stuck
out on a line.
Bleed for me
I didn't care to be with you
now you're stuck in my mind

I'm Not Okay

Something's not right. I cannot identify it....but something is very wrong. Hearing thing's....flickering movements in the corners of my eyes...feel sick...light heade....i don't know what's wrong

Inside the Fire

This song deals with suicide, video when I can rip it. You all better enjoy this, cuase nobody else had it on youtube or google so I totally ninja'd it.



Disturbed - Inside the Fire


Devon
Won't go to heaven
She's just another lost soul, about to be mine again
Leave her
we will receive her
It is beyond your control
will you ever meet again

Devon
No longer living
Who had been rendered unwhole.
As a little child,
she was taken
and then forsaken
you will remember it all
Let it blow your mind again


Devon lies beyond this portal
take the word of one immortal
Give your soul to me
For eternity
release your life
to begin another time with her
End your grief with me
there's another way
release your life
take your place inside the fire with her

Sever
Now and forever
you're just another lost soul about to be mine again
see her, you'll never free her
you must surrender it all
And give life to me again

Fire
All you desire
As she begins to turn cold and run out of time
you will shiver
till you deliver
you will remember it all
Let it blow your mind again

Devon lies beyond this portal
take the word of one immortal
Give your soul to me
For eternity
release your life
to begin another time with her
End your grief with me
there's another way
release your life
take your place inside the fire with her




[solo]

Give your soul to me
For eternity
release your life
to begin another time with her
End your grief with me
there's another way
release your life
take your place inside the fire with her


Devon
No longer living
Who had been rendered unwhole.
As a little child
she was taken,
and then forsaken
you will remember it all
Let it blow your mind again (less)